Life — May 10, 1928 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

who name at of las a rake! 1n-uy it e Stall- "lina cling raine mu to of an erfuls punce shire Mc. other ioned juice, and choke n the ylums nas extin- arty ad- ridge count us for urthur ctrola tor of olman —_— ankle across the subirey gratings. The ventilator shafts, as you know, have little respect for skirts. New York girls will pot walk over them-—the others do. Did I tell you that my mother-in-law sits around all day grieving because she hasn't a fortune with which to disinherit me? And there’s the one about the old spinster who wanted to be devilish, so she locked herself in her room and played sip solitaire! But of all the gags, I like : “What's meaner than a mean dra- mal the retort being: “A soft- hearted hotel detective!” and there have been so many breach-of-promise suits in town that the Street's current slogan is: “Look before you lip!" and if you can keep a secret, I'm having so much “girl trouble” my hair is getting grayer than cafeteria milk. Heheheh, Walter Winchell. LUCY Suz dwelt in those untrodden ways You only stop for gas at: Amaid whom there were few to praise, And none to make a pass at. A violet by a mossy stone, Half trodden under heel! Fair as a star—but stars are known To have no sex appeal. And when poor Lucy ceased to be, It did not cause much stir: In fact, most people couldn’t see The difference in her. Norman R. Jaffray. A Day with a Life Guard 8a... Gets up. Puts on bathing suit. Looks in mirror. Admires his coat of tn, Admires his build. 10.4. M. Sits down on sand with group of bathing girls. Flirts with girls while two people drown. 12M. Rows life-boat around surf to show off skill in front of girls. Nearly crowns when boat tips over in huge wave, Says, “Ha, ha. I tipped the boat over on purpose. Great sport.” 2p. aM. Goes to sleep on beach while seashore hot-dog merchant pulls drown- ing woman out of surf. 4p. mM. Runs down to water to save drowning girl. Finds it’sa man. Comes cn up beach, letting man shift for him- «lf. 6p. sm, Goes home. Takes off bath- ing suit. Looks in mirror. Admires his coat of tan, Admires his build. Says, “No wonder the girls all fall for me.” Vincent Clark Odell. “There's no two ways about it, Conrad. I just simply got to give up golf. It’s ruinin’ me swing.” The Joke Writer Has a Bad Dream Ir Jenkins had been blessed with brains all would have been over with him, for Big Bill Thompson had placed the cold end of an automatic against Jenkins’ temple and pulled the trigger. Jenkins could not even scream out in horror, for | Mussolini still sat on his chest. . . . leering 1.++.leering through the darkness. Oh, God, would the night never end? He: Not a bad mountain, huh Sue: No, I seen worse! Tt seemed not, for the Teapot Dome principals had arrived, with loud and horrid mirth, to boil his legs in oil for a couple of centuries. A flapper, shricking with glee, had bared his legs for the operauon—bared them nearly to the hips. And all the while the winter sun of California was beating down on him; panhandlers were pouring cups of coffee into his ears; motor cars were running over and squashing his insides; a Pull- man window fell on his neck; absent- minded professors mouthed — absent- minded things; bootleggers filled his mouth with ashes and gall; and then the Prince of Wales took Mussolini's place, running his horse up and down poor Jenkins’ body, falling off and landing full upon his breast with awful thumps thousands and thousands of times. Jenkins was suddenly awakened by a terrible blow on the head, and with a sigh of relief he opened one eye. Then he closed it and tried to go back to sleep. It was his wife's mother. Paul S. Powers. Poor Columbus didn’t know, when he set sail, that he was just getting the whole world into debt! comicbooks.com