Life, 1928-03-29 · page 22 of 34
Life — March 29, 1928 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Life magazine: **"The First Salesman"** (main feature): A biblical allegory where the Serpent tempts Eve to eat apples through manipulative sales tactics—praising her beauty, claiming health benefits endorsed by dentists, and positioning apples as an investment in knowledge. The satire mocks aggressive advertising and sales manipulation of the era. Eve's concerns about household duties and Adam's temper highlight women's domestic constraints. The Serpent's final monologue reveals cynical business strategy: corner the market through chain stores and dominate consumers. **"Instructions for Changing a Tire"**: Humorous step-by-step guide satirizing men's incompetence and vanity during car maintenance, including absurdities like removing hats before getting dirty and repeatedly crawling under the car. **"At Palm Beach"**: A brief joke about regional weather differences—Northeasters (storms) versus Easter celebrations. The page satirizes early consumer culture, gender roles, and masculine pretense.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Wire: I do wish George wouldn't wear knickers! I think they make a man look so juvenile. Instructions for Changing a Tire PERATION ONE: Remove hat and coat. Place robe on ground and crawl under car, Adjust jack and raise car. Crawl out from un- der. With handkerchief remove grease from neck and collar. Im- mediately wipe perspiration from forehead; now remove grease from forehead. Operation Two: Call to wife: “Is brake on?” She will release brake and car will roll off jack. Repeat operation one. Operation Three: Ask wife where in thunder she hid the lug wrench. Find wrench in side pocket. Un- screw lugs. Scar toe of shoe kicking tire free. Remove tire. | Bark knuckles of right hand on underside of fender. Operation Four: Approach tire rack. Find it empty and remember that spare tire is home in the garage, flat! Operation Five: Replace tire. Ride to nearest town at speed of eight miles an hour. Locate drug store. Purchase new tire there. Operation Six: Continue joy ride. J.M. At Palm Beach € HAT kind of an Easter are they having up North?” “The usual Northeaster, T pose.” sup- Life The First ERPENT: Good morning, Mrs. Eve. How becoming you are to yourself this morning! I wonder, now, if you could give me just a few minutes of your time? E I'm too busy this morning. You've no idea how much there is to be done around this garden. And only one woman to do everything. Besides, I know you're going to try to sell me something, and Adam doesn't like for me to charge things. s You've got me all wrong. I'm too kind—that'’s the trouble with me. I consider it a pleasure to do anybody a favor. ‘That's me, from my fangs down to my last rattle. Eve: Well, if you knew all I have to do to-day. I had a headache yes: terday and didn't feel like cooking, so I just broke open a few cocoanuts. The shells got scattered about; Adam stepped on one last night. He's not a mild-mannered man at best, and being dragged around by the hair doesn’t help to cure a headache. No, I certainly haven't time to talk to you this morning. Serrent: A beautiful woman like you ought not to be made a house- hold drudge. Why don’t you use more apples in your daily diet? They're high in mines, endorsed by leading dentists and physicians, inexpensive, and casy to prepare. Eve: But we're not supposed to eat the apples. They do look at- tractive, though....1 wonder how ..in a salad, now Serpent: Excellent brain food, too. Wonderful, the effect they have on the mind. Really an investment in knowledge. If you Pa Trout: Don't count too much on my meeting you t! Salesman ever take one bite, they'll become the choice of the entire nation, E Perhaps just one... pent: You try those apples and if Adam ever chirps about the pies his mother used to make— Eve (biting into the apple): Pies ++-a row of them would be good to have on hand when anything upsets Harassep Parent: That's an Easter rab- bit, understand? Now one wise remark out of you about Lon Chaney and ['lI— Adam. Pies seem to have a soothing influence on him. (She continues eat- ing as Adam appears in the distance.) Serrent (gliding away): Sold! Now to corner apples, establish a line of chain stores and put out a course on How I Learned to Dom- inate Others Almost Overnight. Hammond King. ESTS will happen in, in the best-regulated families. afternoon, my dear. I'm going to have lunch downstream and I may not be able to get away in time. comicbooks.com