Life — August 19, 1926 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Le Maitre A FRENCIE VIEW OF TITE AMERICAN ABROAD, Euvre (Pari Getting the Fever A MAaNacen putting on a mystery play persuaded the precinct captain to send him a detail of police every night. At first they were ill at ease, but later in the week it was noticed that the patrol- men were shooting searching looks, while the sergeant in charge pointed with his baton and worked in various bits of “business.” At the end of the week the captain came around and said: “I am always glad to be of service, but please don't put on any more mystery y not?” ‘Some of my cops are beginning to think they can act.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Exclusiveness A maw who gave himself up for violat- ing his parole was refused admission to Auburn Prison, One can hear the pride- ful keeper telling him: “Go get a rep before you try to break in here!” —Morning Telegraph-Running Horse. Vanishments “Wire do the flies go in winte “Hard question! I haven't yet found out what becomes of the Florida real- estate booms in summer.” —Washington Star. We know of but one thing that de- preciates more rapidly than a motor car, and that is a high-school annual. —Larned Tiller and Toiler. SNAPSHOT TAKEN AT A TENNIS MATCH —Séndagsnisse-Striz (Stockholm). “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Revived A pooxsettrr had an “account ren- dered” returned to him with this reply scrawled across it: “Dear Sir,—I never ordered this beastly book. If I did, you didn’t send it, If you sent it, I never got it, If I got it, I paid for it. If I didn’t, I won’t.—Yours respectfully —” —Putnam Book News. Efficiency in Given Names From the Albion (Mich.) Recorder: “Mrs. Claude Wolfe and infant son, R. F, D. 3, were discharged this morning.” —New York Herald Tribune. Grw laughs at padlocks. —Columbia (S. C.) State. A Fat Lot of Good —Qaiety (London). Bigger and Better Programs Nore on the amusements of a democ- racy, gleaned from the illustrious New York American: “Phantom, a horse, is scheduled to neigh a greeting through the microphone of WOR within the near future.” —American Mercury. Domestic Rites Tue Own Srixsrer: Has the canary had its bath yet? Tue Maio (wader notice): Yes, mum, You can come in now! —Sketch Book § Printers’ Pie( London). Sunpay Scnoor Teacner: Who com- manded the sun to stand still? Arcute: Mussolini.—Allston Recorder. Recipe for success: Begin at the bot- tom and wake up. —New Orleans Times-Picayune. A MISSION, NO DOUBT: “NO—WE'RE GOING TO LEA CHARLESTON.” —Le Monde Illustré (Paris). They Don't Call It a Bath Docror: Sambo, I can think of but one thing that will cure you and that is an electric bath. Samo: Naw, suh, doctah, yo’ ain't talkin’ to dis here nigger. I had a frien’ what took one of them things down in Sing Sing an’ it drowned him! —Science and Invention. New Discoveries “My husband appreciates me more than he used to,” “How did that happen?” “Well, you see, he went to an intelli- gence office to hire a girl, and in describ- ing me to her he impressed himself with a lot of my good qualities he hadn't noticed before.”"—Boston Transcript. The Power of Words A uitenany critic says that a few beau- tiful words spoken aloud can cause a surge of joy in the heart of the listener. For instance, when the dentist says, “Now rinse your mouth out with this.” —Punch. Tre Svvor: You are hereby sentenced to thirty days as a pedestrian, Recxtrss Avtoist: Good heavens, Judge, do you want to murder me? —Collier’s. “Let's see,” said Methuselah, who was trying to recall a date, “that was just after I had ceiebrated my fourth sesqui- centennial."—Detroit News. “neY—yovu 1pior! 1’ve cor your Numuen! 11's 1-999.” —Le Miroir des Sports (Paris). comicbooks.com