Life — June 11, 1925 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Deadly Virtue THEOPHILUS BROWN is a virtuous youth— One virtue, at least, is all his— He never tells aught but the absolute truth, No matter how painful it is. When silence, or even a tiny, white lie Is called for as tactful and kind, He blurts out the truth that weighs down on what I Believe he mistakes for his mind. “Don't you think I look better?” a sick man will say, Who needs but a few words of cheer; But Theophilus Brown is compelled to say nay By the virtue he holds as so dear. When a woman would have him admire a new hat, He tells her it’s ugly as sin; In their presence he always calls plump women fat, And slim ones he speaks of as thin. I would root for Theophilus Brown, if I could— 1 would call him a wonder, a wiz., Ii 1 thought that he ever had done any good With that truth-telling passion of his; But I know he’s a mischievous brute and a bore, And I'll make this prediction, forsooth— When Hades shall ask what he's prisoned there for, You may answer, “For telling the truth!" Ted Robinson. Suitable “TID she win the damage suit against the restaurant for the stain on her gow “Yes. Got fifty dollars spot cash.” MAN of few words—the citizen who joins in the chorus of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Affable Rural Mechanic: yes, LADY, IT’S YOUR VALVES. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ’EM THEN YOU'LL ASK, “WHAT THE HELL’S U'LL REMEMBER AND SAY, “WHY, IT's AND YOU'LL BE RIGHT, Lapy! GROUND NOW SHE'S LIABLE TO STOP ON Y THE MATTER WITH HER NOW?” THEN THEM DAMN VALVES, THAT'S WHAT IT 18,” BE RIGHT! W/// “JACKSON, THIS IS A COUNTERFEIT TEN-DOLLAR BILL.” “WELL, GIMME COUNTERFEIT CHANGE FO" IT.” Specializing in Jonesville at Y dear, you have no idea how people impose on a doctor,” said Mrs. Cletus P. Hopper across the table at the semi-monthly meeting of the Jonesville Bridge Club. “A woman called at the house last week and said her little boy had just broken his leg and she wanted the doctor to come right away. When I tried to explain that as it was Saturday afternoon the doctor couldn't come, that woman was per- fectly furious. She actually wanted me to call up the Country Club. “I told her finally I'd have him stop on his way home to dinner, but that in the future she'd better try not to have any accidents on Wednesday and § urday afternoons because Doctor is chairman of the tournament committee. “Of course, Doctor is about ready to start specializing and then he won't have to make any calls. A good spe- cialist can make three times the money in half the time if he has good-looking Doctor would have started in ng this year but he couldn't find five adjoining rooms in any of the office buildings. It’s pretty hard to specialize with less than five rooms.” McCready Huston. be RONG number, Central.” “Naw, the number's all right, but you're the wrong guy gettin’ it.” YOU'LL comicbooks.com