Life — July 31, 1924 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life Lines THE great political platforms are masterpieces of fiction. It now re- ins to discover which is the best aL Ly a law recently passed in Washing- on, 125,000 Indians are admitted to citizenship in the Union, It should be understood, however, that these ex- iens are still ineligible for member- hip in the Ku Klux Klan. aL We wonder whether James Whitcomb Riley knew what the Klan would do to his native Indiana when he composed line, “The goblins ‘Il git you ef you don't watch out.” JL It has been announced that the 10,000,- 000th rd car is in service, The 8,945,671st and the 9,425,683rd_ are probably in service stations, IL The Japanese Ambassador returned home recently. Having dealt with the United States Senate for some time, he is willing to take his chances with an earthquake. JL If La Follette succeeds in running the election into a deadlock, it will take more than a key-note speech to open the White I probably se door, LL Two girls ran away from home, taking only lip-sticks with them, That's the modern maiden’s idea of arming for battle. “DARN IT! 1 FORGOT TO TAKE THEM MATCHES OUTA MY BACK POCKET.” “MOTHER! I THINK OUR NEW COOK HAS COME TO STAY,” “How bo YoU KNow?” “SHE ASKEQ ME WHAT MY NAME Is,” Sidestep This Way TIQUETTE experts tell us how to enter a drawing-room without trip- ping over the rug, and how to know an oyster fork from a pickle sticker, and what to do with a napkin besides dropping it on the floor, but there is one vital subject on which they offer us little help, and that is Excuses It is all very well to be primed to “My error,” on overturning the into a dowager’s lap. That shows mere poise and prac- tice. The far more difficult thing is to overthrow the dinner invitation in the first place. It takes real finesse to” be able to reply pleasantly: “Next Thurs- day evening I'd love to, but it so happens that that is the evening I go to the prize fight at the Parish House.” What we need is a brand-new assort- ment of alibis suitable for all occa- sions. But where can they be had? I have inquired at the Public Library for a good Dictionary of Excuses, only to be told that there was none. So I have been driven to making up my own list of Ready Rescuers, I have written them, for convenience’s sake, on small pieces of cardboard, like the leaves of a telephone index, with rings at the top. I keep them pinned inside the flap of my coat, and, thanks to the alphabetical system, I can con- say with suave case, sult them instantly and without undue Here, then, is my confidential kit of Handy Evaders. I offer them with the stipulation that they be not used in the social circle in which I move and get Dutch. So, dear reader, if I give these away to you, please don't give me away. Excuse for arriving forty miautes late—I was in a public telephone booth calling a number that didn’t answer, and it took me nearly an hour to get my nickel back. Excuse for s Our lestepping a week-end Airedale terrier is invitation teething. Excuse for breaking away early from @ party—l suspect that my century plant is on the point of blooming and I'm anxious to see it. Excuse for not attending a lawn féte —Our cook has adenoids. Pardon me, I'd like to give you the remainder of the list, but I must be running along now, Cousin Ezra is going to be lynched for horse- stealing, and I sort of hate to miss it. Lawton Mackall. because HE: He: It's a wonderful moon. Prove it! comicbooks.com