Life, 1923-06-14 · page 15 of 44
Life — June 14, 1923 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two separate pieces of satire: **"If Real Life Were Like the Movies"** presents a humorous list contrasting Hollywood's unrealistic conventions with actual reality—cross-eyed men being funny, all policemen being heroes, etc. It's credited to Weed Dickinson and satirizes cinema's distorted portrayal of life. **"Gasoline Arithmetic"** is a charity piece showing the social value of small fuel price increases, converting cents per gallon into libraries, hospitals, churches, and research labs. **The cartoon below** depicts a father frustrated with his son's school report, showing the boy "used to do my arithmetic examples" (homework) but the father had to do them himself—a relatable joke about parental struggle with children's academics and the temptation to do their work for them.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE If Real Life Were Like the Movies LL cross-eyed men would be funny. All policemen would be acrobats. All sea-going yachts would be houseboats or aban- doned fishing smacks. All tropic islands would be Catalina. All buildings would have fat men falling off them. All mountains would have travelogue expeditions climbing up them. All barrels would have comedians hiding in them. All men with small mustaches would be continually crowned with custard pie. All social functions would involve hired dress suits. All floods would drown somebody. All automobiles would be wrecks. Virtually all rail traffic would be suspended in mid- air above the open draw. All country girls would outshine city débutantes. All scaffoldings would hang by one rope. All bricks would bounce off all skulls. \ll mothers would be large-eyed, fresh-faced, gray-" haired, poor, and teary. All peace conferences, football games, boat races and Atlantic Fleet manceuvres would take about thirty seconds. And All mirrors, held up to nature, would crack under the strain. Weed Dickinson. | Ni, “George, chil’, help yo’ mammy make this bed and maybe you can be one of them Pullman potahs when you grow up big.” Gasoline Arithmetic (All for Charity.) One cent increase, per gallon, makes one library. Two cents increase makes one hospital. Three cents increase makes one church. Four cents increase makes one research laboratory. Five cents increase makes one foundation. “Your school report is not so good this month, Johnny.” “I can’t help it, Dad—the boy that used to do my ‘rithmetic examples is mad at me an’ I had to do ’em myself.” comicbooks.com