Life — July 13, 1922 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE New York Cherbourg S hours Ir l 5 0) iS 56 Minutes World's Record y the MAURET. THE FASTEST PASSENGER SERVICE de LU AQUITANIA BERENGARIA MAURETANIA is. the s comfort SCYTHIA, LACONIA, and CAMERONIA ation with CUNARD nd ANCHOR Lines New York or Branches and Agencies Broadway HOSIERY -for MEN [ is invariably of a quality you are proud to wear and is invariably sold at prices you are glad to pay. ' SHAW STOCKING CO Lowell. Mass What to Do Till the Milkman Comes NE of the most important periods in a child’s life is that hour in the early morning, just after the only bottle of milk on hand has been broken and just before the milkman arrives with a fresh supply. Let us say that the bottle is broken at 5:30. The milk. man is due at 6:30. This leaves an hour for Daddy to exercise his ingenuity and his stomach-muscles in being entertaining. And a series of impatient yawps from the crib indicate that the entertainment has got to be pretty gosh-darned good, too. . The first thing <o do is to go over and say facetioy “Hello, sir! How's the boy this morning Thi serve to infuriate “the boy” to the point of convulsions, “Well, well, well, there, there, there!” you say sooth- ingly, picking him up. Then, walking over to a picture called “Baby’s Boat’s the Silver Moon” hanging on the wall, you say: “Hello, what's this?” There seems to be something about this particular pie- ture that offends every decent instinct in the child's make-up, It is as if some pre-natal influence had been at work to prejudice him against the idea of a baby's boat being in any way identified with a silver moon, What to do? He is too young to play two-handed rummy. And too old to be taken out and left on anyone's door-step. How about looking at the leaves on a calendar? “Here, son, what's this? Nice calendar?” “Ya-a-a!” That for the calendar. * A box of absorbent cotten ought to be all right for a baby to mouth about a bit. It’s got a red cross on it. So you watch him with relief until you see that the color is coming off, giving him the appearance of a Jewish comedian with a blue beard. “Here, here! Drop that! Give it to Daddy! Give- it-to-Daddy!” If you pull it, it will tear and leave a great piece in his throat. “Look, see what Daddy’s doing! Ta-ra-tarata-ta!” Imitation of a silver cornet band, done from the corner of the mouth. Big hit. Band decides to parade arounl the reom. Tremendous ovation. Knocks over small table with reading lamp. Terrific applause. This then is the answer. Forty-eight times around the room, playing tunes ranging in repertoire from “Under )} the Double Eagle” to “Under the Double Eagle.” Any attempt to stop is looked on with active disfavor. Any attempt to substitute singing is greeted with indignant protests. A cornet it must be, and keep on the move! There is the sound of approaching wheels in the dis- tance. They draw up to the curb. A man jumps out and runs to the back door. “Clink-clink!” It is the milkman. What’s Wrong With This Picture? Another one of those problems in etiquette—the study of ili onght to make our country the most eti- comicbooks.com