Life, 1922-03-23 · page 25 of 34
Life — March 23, 1922 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Life magazine humor: **"Parents Must Go!"** mocks progressive child-rearing ideology by presenting a father's absurd argument that parents are incompetent to raise their own children. He suggests a "Board of Directors" of twelve impartial strangers would be better—a jab at trendy expert-driven parenting advice replacing parental instinct. The irony: he then admits he'll raise the boy himself anyway, concluding the child will inevitably become mediocre "like his father before him." **"A Half-Nelson on Starvation"** is a lighthearted limerick about a cautious man eating a week's worth of food in advance during hard times—mocking depression-era survival anxieties through absurdist humor. **Remaining items** include brief jokes: a tourist asking for automobile tires in a village store (the shopkeeper offers funeral wreaths instead—dark rural humor); golf and marriage humor; and a quip about Mrs. Margot Asquith being made giddy by American papers. The illustration shows a befuddled father with his newborn—visual support for the parenting satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Parents Must Go! \ID the Thoughtful Father, sitting by the side of his wife five days after their offspring had come into the world: (here is no greater stumbling- block to the proper raising of a child than his Parents. Once a child has been brought into existence, Parents should step aside, for they are only in the way. ~For, the most unfit folk to rear chil- dren are their Fathers and Mothers. ‘Tis impossible to be impartial with one’s own flesh and blood. Phat is why all the best books on child administration have been written by confirmed spinsters. ~\Who more competent to judge a Child than the Childless? we therefore, Father and we are to this infant, fit to tle Henry? Decidedly no— What this child needs is an un- biased Board of Directors—Twelve Good Men and True— ‘hosen carefully as a jury that is selected to sit on a case of homicide. “\Vith such a composite and unre- lated parent for overseer, the little Skeezicks would probably amount to somiething—some day. ~\s matters stand, we must be con- tent with raising the boy ourselves. ~ ‘Tis too bad: for under the proper direction, he should reach to Einstein- ian heights, instead of attaining (as, under our poor guardianship, he in- evilably shall) to the merest John Jonesian mediocrity ; Instead of eventuating, as all the circumstances would indicate, in another dunderhead and incompetent like his father before him. \h, could this infant foresee the blundering direction to which he will he subject, he would probably rise in his cradle, and heap execrations upon d a) A Half-Nelson on Starvation A cautious young feller was Prantz, Who never left eating to chance. “ °Tis hard times,” he said, “So I’m keeping ahead— I'm eating a week in advance!” the unworthy heads of the both of us. “There—he is bawling now. Poor little Cuss, he probably does foresee— he probably does!” Cyril B. Egan. A Matter of Form Tourist (in village notion store): Whaddya got in the shape of automo- bile tires? Savestapy: Funeral wreaths, life- preservers, invalid cushions and dough- nuts. Progress Tue Etperty Binks: Is there any chance of my playing a good game of golf, Topper? Topper (the professional): Not wi’ men, su! But in a couple o’ years you may be playin’ wi’ yer wife. Permanent? “Mrs. Margot Asquith says American papers make her giddy.” “Not guilty!’ She was giddy before she came.” the The Most Beautiful Woman in the World comicbooks.com