Life, 1920-12-09 · page 27 of 44
Life — December 9, 1920 — page 27: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical story mocks the gullibility of American consumers and aggressive automotive aftermarket sales tactics of the 1920s. Blivens, an optimistic car owner (a "flivver" is a Model T Ford), repeatedly purchases dubious fuel-efficiency accessories—carburetors, manifolds, oils, and tablets—each guaranteed to dramatically improve mileage (60%, 75%, 100% increases claimed). The joke: after spending money on multiple "improvements," Blivens calculates he should travel 293,265 miles on five gallons. In reality, he travels only 23 miles before the tank empties. The story satirizes both consumer naivety and deceptive marketing practices that exploited optimistic buyers with impossible promises. The closing caption extends the critique to government spending, suggesting similar wasteful practices occur elsewhere.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ Miles to the Gallon” LIVENS owned a flivver and an indestructible optimism. (Halt for a definition: an optimist is a man who buys accessories for a flivver.) At first, Blivens got a scant twelve miles to the gallon, but after he scooted Mrs. Blivens and the six little Blivenses around for two months he could boast, on lucky runs, fourteen and a half. “Call it fifteen,” said Blivens cheerfully—and did so to all the world. “Fifteen miles,” said Skinmore, of Skinmore'’s Garage. “Not bad for that carburetor.” Blivens pricked up a confiding ear. “'S a dam shame they ain't puttin’ real carburetors in 'em at the factory no more. Now then for $29.75 I can sell ye a Little Cyclone—real carburetor—gives ye all the power and pep of a Twin Six—easy pickup and all.” “Guarantee?” chirped Blivens. “Guarantee!” Skinniore backfired. “Guarantee! Look here, Mister, you put this in and if you don’t get 60% more mileage outa yer gas, you just come around to me with yer kick and I'll never say a word. Not a word, mind you—$29.75 and only $3.50 for installing.” Blivens bought. Two blocks up he encountered a curbstone wizard demonstrating the Inferno Manifold, guaranteed to in- crease mileage 75%. “I'm getting twenty-four now,” twittered Blivens. “My friend, I care not if you're getting thrice twenty-four,” orated the Inferno man. “We guarantee 75% more—and only $13.50.” WHY WE STICK TO THE (MORE OR LESS) STRAIGHT AND NARROW PATH Blivens bought. That noon he took on a Jazzitt > her (30% more mileage). That evening he added a Geyser Hydro- spray attachment (40%). Saturday he drained the crank-case and put in Velvetine oil (33% more mileage), and added a set of Pussyfoot tires (25%) and a box of Chemo-pep tablets, to drop in the gas tank (100%). Saturday night he figured. (Another definition: an optimist is a man who gets happy with pencil and paper.) It seemed incredible—293,265 miles! But darn it, there were the figures in black and white. Sunday morning he measured in five even gallons of gas and seven Blivenses. “Where we going, papa?” bleated Mrs. Blivens. “A little surprise, my dear.” He penciled his road-map im- portantly. “Niagara Falls—Colorado Springs—anywhere. may- be.” He set the odometer at zero and they chugged away through Bird Center, Jimson Heights and way points. Reyond West Pedee he missed the road, milled down an interr wood-lane and brought up dead at the bottom of a cow hollow. “Is this Niagara Falls, papa?” chorused the six little Blivenses. “Of course not—is it, papa?” echoed Mrs. Blivens. “Hades, no!” hissed Blivens. “It's ignition trouble.” It wasn’t. It was an empty tank. And 23 miles. “I wish,” said Blivens, “I'd given that Clingstone clutchband atrial. They guaranteed it to add 20%.” E. O. James, ; 5 aad E best is the cheapest. Is that why government costs so The Engineer: py crorce! 1 CAN SMELL. FOOD, AN’ THt HE ‘best is the:cheape y Bove ° DINER'S HITCHED ON TH’ REAR OF THIS TRAIN! much? comicbooks.com