Life — December 9, 1920 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

espa t ean ibnendiast thay (Note: The contributions on this page have been rejected. Dy fle | ht A Rejection Page Why? The reader may judge for himself. There is a reason in each case, All this rejected material is paid for, and its publication here is not intended as any reflection upon the authors, among whom are some of Live's most valued contributors.) Little Sister HERE'S a baby up at our house, Pink and fat and toothless too, That's bald-headed as my granddad, And can only say “ Goo-goo”; Yet the family step around her Like she was a fairy queen, And whenever she begins to cry, It's “ Run and rock Kathleen.” She wears silly things like ribbons, And she’s not a sport at all. She can’t hop or skip or jump a rope— Why, she can't even crawl! And yet when she looks up at me And shows those toothless gums, There's something in that look of hers That tells me we'll be chums. A Scheme “[CLUBDUB wants me to go in with him and make a barrel of home stuff.” “A barrel, ch? Why don’t you?” “His recipe calls for a pint of whisky. “Well?” “ He knows I've got a pint of whisky.” Gala Day in England NE Arrerxoon, Loxp Satisaury and Lady Fatima went through Patt Matt and down Prcapitty on a Camet. Having arrived at Winvsor Castte, they witnessed a game in which Jack Rose, by a Lucky Strike, hit a Home Run. At the same time the Duke or York and Puitie Morris went to Carro in Orv Ecyrr with Satome and Mito to see the Ecyrttan Dertigs. After that Omar accompanied them to Mecca, where Satome, having stepped on a coffin nail, yelled Hetwar! Romeo and Jutier, in Apstieatioy, went with Ortaxno to see the Royat Bencat tigers. The Waite Owt produced a bottle of Dunonnet, which was partaken Between tHe Acts while the little Recruit of a toreador attempted to shoot the Butt or Duruam. Nestor then presented the American Beauties with the Turxisu Troruirs which they won at the Metactteino Sweepstakes at the Oasis. The same evening Prince Atseer in a Vetver jacket went with Ivannoe to Tuxevo Park, and felt a strange Sensation on meeting the Barxinc Doc, while the Navy sailed through the Straicuts, looking their Pret- tigst in Naturat formation, Incandescence * H, papa! Last night in the parlor he called me the light of his life, the flame of his soul.” “Humph. Funny you have to burn so much gas with all that illumination.” Have a Heart, Girl! “HA chuckled the cruel little vamp be- fore her mirror. “This is the po’ der that blows many a poor fellow to hell.” ORTUNE-TELLER (to young man): You will become either a meat-packer or a toreador, Youxc Man (enthusiastically) : they're both bully jobs! Well, He: witere, 1N THE NAME OF IIEAVEN, IS THAT TIRE TRON? “OM, 1 FORGOT To TELL You, THE LITTLE SMITH GIRL BORROWED IT TO CRACK NUTS wit.” Ye Poet Meditateth “D never lack for meat and drink, If I could only make my think Flow just as freely as the ink. Fame HE class in English literature was being heard. “For what was asked the teacher. “He was the first Englishman to drop his h’s,” replied the boy at the foot of the class. A Line on Lenine “NOU promised us that life under Bol- shevism would be one continuous picnic.” “Well, don't you get a knouting every day? BOOTLEGGER was convicted and was up for sentence before a well-known tender-hearted judge. “Have you ever been sentenced before?” asked the judge kindly. Never,” cried the into tears. “Well, well; don't cry,” “You're going to be now.” Is This Joke Better Left Unsaid? RAWFORD: I see the hoarded sugar and coffee have had a spectacular drop. Cransnaw: I guess the only boarded stuff that is going down naturally is the re- serve stock. Ho, for Brazil! “T SEE Brazil has one hundred and eighty varieties of snakes.” “Well, you can get action on your liquor there.” Ben Jonson noted?” prisoner, bursting said his honor. 'ATHER NEPTUD (to group of me maids): Well, girls, I must say it’s more comfortable. Now I can wade around the United States without getting my feet cut on broken bottles. comicbooks.com