Life — January 9, 1919 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR, FOOLS ES An Apt Pupil he old sea captain was smoking con fortably by his fireside when Jack, his sailor son, burst in upon im “Weather too rough,” explained the son, “so we've put in for the day.” “Too rough!” exclaimed Mr. Tar, with visions of his own days at sea “Why, sir, I was once sailing round the Cape when a storm came on, and it blew down the main-mast and the mizzen-mast was swept away, but we didn’t even think of putting in.” “Well, you see,” exclaimed the son, “this storm was so bad that it blew the anchors off the captain's buttons, took the paint off the ship's bows, and—” Stop!” cried the old man. “ You do me credit, Jack—you do me credit! —Tit-Bits Not Discriminate It was in the trenches, just after stand down, and two soldiers were talking to xether when up came a smart-looking captain, Both the Tommies immediately sprang to attention, and as the officer passed he gave one of them an angry look Why, Bill, you must be in his black books.” said Joe. “No, it ain't that,” replied Bill, “ He didn't like bei it with the same shell 1s me at Mons.”—Argonant, Prophecy to be Fulfilled And the crooked shall be made straight “wich means, perhaps, that under prohibition corkscrews will be turned into bradawls. —Boston Transcript. Sao the colored tad as he was being mustered out, on being asked what train he was going to take for home: “ Boss I ain‘t gonna take no train, I lives two hundred miles away, and I'se gonna run the first eighteen, just 10 make sure they don’t change their minds befo’ I leave camp."—Camp Dix Times. Jan. Visitor: My friend, have you any religious convictions? Prisonek: Well, [reckon that’s the right word. I was sent here for robbing a church—Boston Transcript EGYPTIAN DEITIES “dhe Utmostin Ggarettes” | lain End or Cork Tip ple of culture and refinement | invariably PREFER Deities toany Other cigarett FOR 133 YEARS. oa. The achievement of foer genera the lovely Hatusab ton dropped in at the Alexandrian MACKAY YQ They had disagreed about a certais NE afternoon Psuttichus tions is found ia ture in Lire, aud wished to « file. They found the librariar Good for . trius Phalereus, dozing in | Health a Lena When dition to this, Psat Everywhere tearned that he had neglected | the libra annual subseri Lire, he ordered the careless bihra to instant execution, Turning ty Hati sub he said, “As the greatest of Mtolemies, 1 could not afford t posterity knozw that in the gré of Alexandria my people ¢ regularly find access to the gt periodicals.” MREWED AND BO ¢.H. EVANS & SONS bss Antique Teachirk: Do you know that ” This is antique?” Washington never told a lie? Eh?” Boy: No, sir; [only heard it Adam period f iture.” —Boston Transe be the oldest there Jonewsl author can ally be considered until his grand-nephews quarrel the publication of his love letters ' York Evening Sun. TCE, EIS CARES TT ON HER BIRTHDAY tere Send Flowers as her Birthday Gift. Aorist. She will surely appreciate them. Your loca! florist, within a few hours, can deliver fresh flowers In any city or town in Pup: some vd@ PICK THEIR BONES the United States and Canada through the Florists’ Telegraph Delivery service. MIGHTY CLEAN