Life — December 13, 1917 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

very 1 the (and 1 the Nas ike a isfied pf it, had » the ting ani- wan irld- get 2 of from boot- plied from addressed n of unto he The Disheartened Humorist THE Ouija board was talking again. “Tam Mark Twain,” it spelled. “Tam so mad that I can hardly speak. Tam so mad that I have pulled all the strings out of my harp and kicked dents in all the clouds in my heavenly abode.” In extending to the Southern Pacific Com- pany, under the terms of the Panama Canal Act, the privilege of retaining the owner- ship and operation of the Morgan Line, The Ouija board danced up and down furiously, by way of showing the vio- lence of the anger that filled the spirit which spoke through it. Finally it quieted down and became coherent once more. “For years and years,” it spelled, “T devoted myself to the difficult’ and wearisome art of writing humor. All alone in my study, I hammered -and wrought at words and phrases and sentences, striving with all my might to evolve literature which might cause my readers to smile. I was moderate- ly successful, but only after the bitter- est drudgery. “Now I am forced to see the rank- est amateur step forward and without the slightest training or the least effort, write the most mirth-provoking humor the world has ever seen!” The Ouija board skidded from side to side with a grating sound, strikingly reminiscent of teeth gritting together. “T refer,” the Ouija board continued, Just Pablished VANGUARDS OF By Margaret Hill McCarter The romance of the Santa Fé Trail is told here, withaall its dram- atic days and its heroic adventures. It pre- sentsa thrilling picture of the years when the new West and the old Southwest were bound together. Every foot of that way and every season of those years teem with the romance of youth and the drama of action, Indian fighting, the famous deeds of famous scouts. Frontispiece. $1.40 HARPER & BROTHERS Established 1817 —— “It all women read The PINKLED FRINFT, their clamor for the ballot would instantly ceas —A Politician. ‘We dislike to capitalize curiosity; but—It Is differ ¢nt from anything YOU have ever read! .,, cloth. One Dollar, Write for circular. UNUSUAL PUB. CO.,INC., Box 674, Chicago, It, (See Page 128, LIFE, Nov. Interstate Commerce Commission “Many disinterested wit- nesses, who have had years of familiarity with transport- ation conditions, expressed the conviction that a sever- ance of the Morgan Line from the Southern Pacific Company would be a ca- lamity. The above refers to the Steamship Service of the “MORGAN LINE” OPERATING BETWEEN NEW YORK AND NEW ORLEANS NEW YORK AND GALVESTON FORMING A PART OF THE SOUTHERN PACIFIC LINES Through Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon after its paroxysm of skidding, “I re- fer to Georg Michaelis, the German ex-Charcellor. I have scrutinized his writings closely, and I am amazed be- the ease with which it smerriment. The shortest sen- tences in his shortest speeches cause the entire world to burst into uproar- ious and Gargantuan screams of laugh- ter, Even I, consumed with profes- sional jealousy as Iam, almost laughed my head off at his statements concern- ing the action G would not take in and Alsace and Lorraine. It's enough to drive a hard-working humorist to drink!" With these words the Ouija board leaped three feet in the and de- scended with such velocity that it was splintered into countless fragments. The spirit of Mark Twain had appar- ently suffered beyond endurance. KLAR. comicbooks.com