Life — December 13, 1917 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘1022 OU R- FOOLISH CONTEMFO ARIES A certain rector, just before the serv- ice, was called to the vestibule to meet a couple who wanted to be married. He explained that there wasn't time for the ceremony then. “But,” said he, “if you will be seated I will give you an oppor- tunity at the end of the service for ya to come forward, and I will then per- form the ceremony The couple agreed, and at the proper mo.nent the clergyman said: “ Will those who wish to be united in the holy bond of matr Thereupon thirteen women and one man proceeded to the altar. —Blighty Miscalled “ Any complaints, corporal? nony please come forward? * asked the colonel, making. one morning, a personal inspection. “Yea, siz. Taste that, sir.” corporal “Why.” the colonel said. * best soup I ever tasted.” “Yes, sir,” said the corporal, “and the cook wants to call it coffee.” —Boston Transcript. said the that’s the In a Pinch, use ALLEN'S FOOT-EASE Scriptural Rain Farmex Hayeics: Mighty wet rain, hain’t it, squire? Soviee Grove: Ever hear of rain that wasn’ wet, you idiot? Farsitk Haverck: Yes, I did. Ace cordin’ to Scriptur, it once rained fire and brimstun, by gosh! Southern Woman's Magazine. To Put Good Cheer Into This Year’s Holidays Order ‘a Supply of NAVEINA A exits, what, ne npetowtate ai ¢. H EvaNs a“S0se, BELL-ANS Absolutely Removes Indigestion. One package | proves it. 25c at all druggists. | Ecqnomy is a war-time necessity. But be sure you practice sensible economy. Good health and efficiency demand mind and body building recreation. Motor of course. Keep fit. But don't squander fuel money. Equip your car with a New Stromberg Carburetor, It produces—on any car, old or new— most miles per gallon. It conserves gaso les you to motor with a“ clear to employ tangible patrioti —to save and serve in a way that really counts—without stinting, Investigate. Send at once for unbeata. ble economy records—and free liter that explains how you can increase mi and reduce fuel costs. State name, m and year of your car Stromberg Motor Devices Co. Dept. 1212, 64 E. 25th St., Chicago New STROMBERG Does it! CARBURETOR Modern Music He Most girls, | have found, don't preciate real music. Secosp He: Why do you say that? He: Well, you may pick beautiful strains on a mandohn for an hour, and she won't even look out of the window, but just one honk of a horn and—out she comes !—Burr. si A Bit Heady Pxestorsc Gesius: What is. the cha inst Private Jones? RGEANT: If yer plaze, ‘e's been drunk, an’ ‘e’s been breakin’ things, an’ he won't obey no orders. In fact, ‘e’s been behavi yas though ‘e wuz the bloomin’ colonel himself! Southern Woman's Magazine The Teuton Way A story illustrative of the changes in methods of warfare comes from a soldier in France who took a German officer prisoner. The soldier said te the officer : But the officer shook his head and answered: “T have “Give up your sword! no sword to give up, But won't my vitriol spray, my oil projector or my gas cylinder do as well? "—London Opinion. HE Sphinx was miffed. For days yme smart lleck of a human had managed to guess one of her riddles, Finally she propounded one that was a credit to the Sphinx repu- tation as a riddle-propounder. This was it: “What is the very best thing on earth to do?” It puzzled all the Sphinx’s regular customers, but the an- swer will be found on page 992 of this issue of Lire. Worth Waiting For A Rhondda man went into a public- house and called for 3s of whisky and water. Having tasted it, he ex- ned Which did you put in first, the whisky or the water?” “The whisky, of course,” the publican replied, h, well,” said the Rhondda man, “perhaps I'll come to it by and by. —Tit-Bits. CAUTION LIFE employs no direct travel- ling representatives; it does not offer prizes, college courses or other in- ducements for agents to canvass for Anyone soliciting subscriptions on any such basis should be turned over to the author- ities as a swindler. subscriptions. Be sure to place your order with a reliable bookseller, news agent or solicitor, if you do not mail it to LIFE direct. on ae Ae LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 17 West 31st Street, New York