Life, 1915-12-16 · page 20 of 44
Life — December 16, 1915 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical commentary on World War I and American social attitudes: **"A Drinker's Dream"**: A darkly humorous cartoon depicting an intoxicated man navigating a desert wasteland, likely representing the chaos and destruction of the war itself. **"The Usual Form"**: A bitter mock-letter where "Uncle Samuel" (personification of the U.S.) sarcastically apologizes to the German Kaiser for sabotage of American war production, asking what he'd "like to have me do—if anything." The satire mocks the Kaiser's apparent indifference to civilian casualties and war destruction. **"Doing Something"**: A biting essay critiquing American business culture's obsession with constant productivity and appearing busy, arguing this ethos leaves no room for genuine leisure, thought, or rest—especially contrasted with the war's real demands. **"Matrimonial Museum"**: A cartoon about a bachelor museum exhibit, satirizing bachelor culture (the caption references "Exhibit One"). The page reflects wartime America's complex attitudes toward the conflict and industrial society's demands.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“LIFE - ‘A DRINKER'S DREAM CROSSING THE DESERT The Horror (Equal Parts of Henry James and Robert Chambers.) H® steadied himself for a moment, looking upward with that dogged persistency which had served him so well all these years; then, resolutely in the mist of a half consciousness, he mounted the steps. Seemingly not know- ing the stern fate that held him captive, he took out his key-ring. It seemed almost like a mockery, but after one or two trials the massive door swung open and he entered. The light was dim. He stared about him, but even then, with utter fatuity of his extraordinary escapade, he did not sense his mistake ; he did not know that he had used the wrong key. . . « He groyed along the upper hall, a wild premonition of coming ¢.saster haunting him. But that dumb persistency, that luckless urging, kept him going. Suddenly he opened a door. There was a slight scream, then louder. He stood face to face with— Her! Then quieter she looked at him in utter scorn. “My husband!” she said. “My wife!” he muttered. “Forgive me! I did not know this was my own home. got the wrong key.” He started out, abashed, but she called him. “Better leave that key with me. Then you will not be likely to make the same mistake again!” HERE are those musical children of yesterday whose musical education was complete when they had learned to play “The Maiden’s Prayer” and “ Monastery Bells"? The Usual Form EAR MR. HOHENZOLLERN: People in your employ are destroying factories over here, and blowing up ships and railway trains carrying my munitions of war. My sincere apologies for disturbing you, but kindly tell me what you would like to have me do—if anything. Affectionately, your Uncie SAMveL. Doing Something KE? moving. This is the first lesson in the gospel of business, and the gospel of business has long since conquered all other gospels. Do something. Do it now. Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day. Get on the job and stay there. Don’t watch the clock. Keep everlastingly at it. These are but a few of the many similar phrases to be found in the business vernacular. Which means, of course, that you must be doing some- thing, and it doesn’t matter what, if you want to share in the drippings of respectability. Or you must let on that you are doing something or that you are about to do something. Do not loaf. Do not take time to think and certainly none to dream. If you must take a vacation, use it for the nerve-racking job of trailing influential people and climbing into their good graces. Pure leisure was made only for gods and poets, but there is no place for gods and poets in days like these. Eternal vigilance is the price of a good rating in Brad- street's. MATRIMONIAL MUSEUM FOR BACHELORS EXHIBIT ONE