Life, 1915-09-16 · page 30 of 48
Life — September 16, 1915 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces from an era of American military preparedness debates (likely WWI period): **"Nothing on Him"** mocks sensationalist journalism. A newspaper editor demands his star reporter investigate sensitive military secrets—submarine counts, ammunition stockpiles, coastal defenses—only to learn the reporter already published everything as advertisements in Sunday's paper. The satire targets both yellow journalism's invasion of national security and the absurdity of publishing classified military information openly. **"Pity the Childless"** (cartoon): Mrs. Bunny's desire to adopt "a dozen or two children" is dark humor about rapid rabbit reproduction, mocking families who had many children. **"Lyrics of Travel"** is price satire about inflated railroad dining car costs—cheap ingredients marked up enormously, with a tip for "Rastus" (a racial stereotype), totaling $2.55 for a simple lunch. **"Word Wanted"** argues "neutral" became unusable politically during wartime, now implying either jokes about neutrality or villainous intent. The piece satirizes how war rhetoric poisoned ordinary vocabulary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ib/KFAE * PITY THE CHILDLESS Mrs, Bunny: We WANT TO ADOPT A DOZEN OR TWO CHILDREN Nothing on Him THE great editor of the leading daily paper summoned his star reporter and said: “Have you ascertained the number of submarines actu- ally on hand, together with the number building, and com- pared them with those of the other leading nations?” “Sorry, but I haven't gotten around to that yet.” “Have you made the round of the leading ammunition centers, made a careful compilation of all the shells and bullets we now have in stock, and how many we can turn out a day for the next year?” “Not yet.” “Have you made a study of our coast-defense system with a view to discovering what mounted guns there are at present, their power and range, together with accurate facts about mine-laying?” “T've been so busy thaf—"” Then the great editor spoke in a stentorian tone, for he was plainly chagrined. “Young man,” he exclaimed, with a sarcastic quaver, “I should like to know, as a mere matter of idle curiosity, when you expect to write your article showing the exact condition of our country’s preparedness in case of war?” And, with a quiet, dignified smile of confidence, the star reporter replied: “My dear sir, I wrote all that yesterday, and it appears in next Sunday's issue. Haven't you seen the advertise- ments? I thought when you first spoke that you were going to convict me of doing something detrimental to the great cause of American journalism.” ALONEY (reading life-insurance circular): Phwat's a “table av expectancy"? Casey: Shure, it’s something thot proves by statistics thot ye won't live as long after yez are sixty as yez did before. Lyrics of Travel IGHT cents’ worth of chicken, Two cents’ worth of tea Six stalks of asparagus, Bought at two for three Four cents’ worth of ice cream, Two cents’ worth of cake. Quarter’s worth of odor from Some one else's steak Three cents’ worth of butter, One cent's worth of bread. Six cents’ worth of service, Charged for overhead... Make the little luncheon On your railroad trip....... cavemesecmunered $0.55 Costing you two-fifty, Excluding Rastus’ tip OH, WeLL! HE MAY AS WELL FIND OUT FOR HIMSELF Word Wanted M’sY an otherwise excelient vocabulary is suffering at present for the want of a word to take the place of “neutral.” The war has absolutely destroyed this word for all future use in polite society. We shall never be able to use it again in its ordinary meaning without arous- ing the suspicion either of perpetrating a subtle joke or else of being a party to some deep-dyed villainous plot. Needless to say, a substitute must be found instanter, for no vocabulary is complete without a word which means “neutral” and which can be used in that sense without awkward international connotations. comicbooks.com