Life — December 10, 1914 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1096 OURS FOOUVISH CONTEMPORARIES oo Exciting Times “Well,” mused six-year-old Harry, as he was being buttoned into a clean white suit, “this has been an exciting week, hasn't it, mother? Monday we went to the Zoo, Wednesday I lost a tooth, Thursday was Lily’s birthday party, Fri- day I was sick, yesterday I had my hair cut, and now here I am rushing off to Sunday-school."—L.ippincott’s. ae An Ambiguous Warning The Scotch minister rose and cleared his throat, but remained silent, while the congregation awaited the sermon in puzzled expectancy. At last he spoke: “There's a laddie awa’ there in the gallery a kissin’ a lassie,” he said. “When he’s done alll begi —Ladies’ Home Journal. iA tearpoontul of Abbott's Bittera with your Grape Fruit jeal appetizing tonic. ‘Sample of bitters by mai Sete in * PIS W. Abbott & Co. Baltimore, Std.” Most Missed “So you don't like living in the coun- try? What do you miss most since moving out of town?” “ Trains."—Philadelphia Ledger. S2cta, in stamps. C. Is it Right to Tempt the Expressman? ELL—maybe not. But then, every- body can’t drink Grape Juice—not with real enjoyment, at least. And a body’s got to have some reliable medicine on hand in case of emergencies! ALALO gg | When (195 you want EXTRA FINE areal WHISKEY drink and then make sure you get it. ask for If your dealer hasn’t Old Saratoga in stock, send us six dollars and we will see that you get at once four | full quarts, all charges paid, | Rosskam, Gerstley & Co., Philadelphia The Aristocrat of Cigarettes RAMESES Largest Selling 20c Making the Target Two Irishmen arranged to fight a duel with pistols. One of them was distinctly stout, and when he saw his lean ad- versary facing him he raised an objec- tion, “ Bedad!" he said, “I'm twice as big a target as he is, so I ought to stand twice as far away from him as he is from me. “Be aisy now,” replied his second. “TI soon put that right.” Taking a piece of chalk from his pocket he drew lines down the stout man’s coat, leaving a space between them, “Now,” he said, turning to the other man, “fire away, ye spalpeen, and re- member that any hits outside that chalk line don't count.”"—Lippincott’s. Parental Pride He had become the happy father of twins, and his unbounded pride in this twofold distinctive blessedness found expression on every occasion, While conversing with a friend one morning at the entrance to his office- Luilding, a young woman passed wheel- ing a baby-carriage containing a bounc- ing baby boy. “Doesn't a woman look queer,” said the young father, loftily, “with only one child! "—Harper’s Magazine. “Men are always late, I have waited here since six o'clock for my husband to come, and it is now seven-thirty.” “At what hour were you to meet him?” asked the woman who had joined her. “At five o'clock.”"—Buffalo Courier. “We've been married cight years and have never had an argument.” “Then you've never tried to dance any of the modern dances with your wife.""—Detroit Free Press. CUNARD LINE, 21-24 State Street, N. Y. FOR » MEN OF BRAINS IGARS -~MADE AT KEY WEST— MARMAY comicbooks.com