Life, 1914-12-03 · page 34 of 92
Life — December 3, 1914 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"Platonic" (top right):** A humorous poem by Clinton Scollard about a romantic relationship disguised as intellectual companionship. The narrator and a woman claim their bond is "platonic" while they kiss, hold hands, and study philosophy together. The joke culminates when she unexpectedly marries someone else (Mr. Pippin), leaving him heartbroken. The satire mocks the pretense of purely intellectual relationships while emotions clearly simmer beneath. **"Bunker Hill" cartoon (top left):** A Revolutionary War scene referencing the famous order "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes," here adapted to "Wait, boys, until you can see their lamps"—likely a humorous take on military strategy or preparation. **"The Grasshopper Question" (bottom):** Political satire using grasshoppers as stand-ins for a group debated about self-governance. The piece ironically suggests grasshoppers should be governed by ants or bees (more "organized" groups), while excluding grasshoppers themselves from the decision. This likely satirizes imperialist or paternalistic arguments about whether certain populations could govern themselves.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Platonic O passion was platonic; she Said she would be my semi- sister ; : We strayed alone by height and sea, And I—occasionally I kissed her! Sometimes she let me hold her hand; Emotions that were hard to throttle Welled up when we scanned Sappho, and Even the works of Aristotle, We conned the legends and the myths: We delved in esoteric mystery; We got as puzzled as the Smiths Who try to trace their family history. We argued about beasts and birds While Cupid tried to bridge the chasm ; We got ecstatic over surds, O'er poetry and protoplasm! Then somchow I began to dream Of calling her my “more than crony”, Of floating fondly down the stre Of moonshine and of matrimony; But after we had dipped one day In lore of gargoyle and of griffin, The maiden slyly stole a And went and married Mr. Pippin! Clinton Scollard. BUNKER HILL “WAIT, BOYS, UNTIL YOU CAN SEE THEIR LAMPS” The Grasshopper Question RE grasshoppers capable of self- government, or ought they be made a dependency of someone else or something else or somewhat else? This is by no means the least burning of present-day questions. Can grass- hoppers do everything necessary for the highest form of grasshopperishness or do they need outside assistance? sop, one of our leading authori- ties, certainly did not have a very high opinion of grasshoppers. If we fol- lowed ZEsop’s broad hints, arrange- ments should at once be begun for grasshoppers to be governed by ants or bees or some other highly organized and civilized group of biologicisms, so to speak, as it were. Of course, this should not be done except after careful consideration by everybody except the grasshoppers, who naturally could not be expected to bring a free, open and unprejudiced THE OPEN SEASON FOR BRITISH LIONS mind to a question of that sort.