Life — November 12, 1914 — page 42: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Important Dare you endanger it by taking impure food into your stomach? Pure beer is pure food. Light starts decay even in pure beer, causing a disagreeable odor and a skunky taste. The light bottle is insufficient protection. Schlitz is made pure and the Brown Bottle keeps it pure from the brewery to your glass. See that Crown is branded “Schlitz” Order a Case Today To All Married Men AN Italian inventor has invented a pocket wireless instrument which it is stated will cost about twelve dollars, By means of this de- vice one can communicate with one’s friends at a distance, There will doubtless be a period of incubation before the instrument is placed on the market, but its advent will occasion no particular surprise. We are fairly blasé over mechanical marvels. Indeed, so immune are we to new sensations of this sort that we deem it necessary to offer a word of caution about this new machine, especially to married men. Your wife will be able to locate you instantly, no matter where you are. Not to reply to her signal would be equivalent to an ac- knowledgment that you are concealing something. Any slight embarrassment in your communication will not only be counted against you, but will no doubt have a tendency to become ex- aggerated in your wife’s mind. For you will not have the opportunity to hand her over a large bill, or to fall in her arms and charm her out of her sus- picions, Every married man will have to carry a machine. To refuse is to condemn one’s self at once, We present this problem in advance in order that all husbands may receive early this note of warning and either prepare themselves for the worst or devise ways and means to circumvent this deadly invention. At present we have no remedy to offer. We are too much paralyzed by the distressing pos- sibilities. The most we can do is to suggest a national husbands’ subscrip- tion list, with its object the raising of a sufficient sum to buy off the in- ventor. Peninsular & Oriental S. N. Co. Frequent Sailings, India, China, Philippines, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Winter Tours in India. Round World Tours. For full information apply Cunard Line, 21-24 State Street, New York. ‘That Made Milwauke Helping God Primitive peoples believe in magic rather than religion. When the god— embodied in some wooden image— doesn't grant their requests, they beat him or force him by some hocus-pocus to do what they made him for. The god is powerful, but needs some human pres- sure or assistance. This seems to have been the idea of the German minister who is reported to have said: “God may not always side with the big guns, but big guns will certainly help Him make a right deci- sion.” Instead of asking God to help them, the German militarists are help- ing God—to reach a rigat decision. But those who can help God can punish him as well. What will happen if the Kaiser’s bosom companion does not make the right decision? In view of the German militavists’ well-known addiction to cruel and unusu.] punishments, we fear the worst—The Masses. OPENING NOVEMBER, 16th, 1914 The Commission Shop for Women’s Work High-class specialties consisting of hand-made lingerie, blouses, baby clothes, embroideries, knitted and crocheted articles and novelties of every description sold at reasonable prices. 366 MADISON AVENUE ‘teen sx. a Lie en sentative courses to cam iciting should | asa sw Be sure booksell: do not LIFI 17 West comicbooks.com