Life, 1914-09-10 · page 38 of 48
Life — September 10, 1914 — page 38: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
## "Nobody" (Left Column) A satirical short story mocking America's obsession with status and credentials. The narrator refuses to associate with an ordinary American who holds no office, hasn't lectured, addressed citizens, or been jailed—essentially someone with no claim to importance or notoriety. The joke critiques how Americans judge worth entirely by titles and public prominence, finding an unaccomplished person literally not worth knowing. ## "If Things Were Reversed" (Bottom Right) A fable reversing typical household dynamics: a well-fed cat returns from vacation to find the master starving and abandoned (his wife left with another man). The cat callously refuses sympathy, viewing it as revenge for summers when families abandon their pets. The final joke references the I.W.W. (Industrial Workers of the World)—a radical labor union—suggesting that threatening dynamite would go unpunished if attributed to them, implying either anarchist associations or that authorities ignore labor radicals' threats. ## Advertisements Standard period ads for Edison Mazda Lamps and Old Overholt Rye whiskey.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Nobody I SPOKE to him gingerly. He ap- peared to be a nice man. He was respectably if not ornately dressed. “You are on some committee, I presume?” I sai “No,” he replied. “Or president of something?” I ventured. “No president,” he replied. “Then you hold some office?” “Never did such a thing.” “Possibly,” I. said, “you are the husband of a distinguished lady.” “Sorry,” he replied, “ but I can’t say I am.” “You are an American?” “ Surely.” I began to edge away. “I am sorry I can’t be intimate with you,” I said, “and I hope you will excuse me for probing—but I can’t afford te know anyone who isn’t some- body. No title or anything to recom- mend you. Haven't you lectured any- where on sex?” “No, sir.” “Nor addressed any body of citizens on their civic duties?” “Not an address,” “Nor even been in jail?” “Then good-bye,” I said. “ You may have been born in the United States, but you are certainly not worth any- body’s time.” Old Overholt Rye “Same for 100 ycars”” Pure and delicious now ar in the days when it cheered the hearts of our forefathers, Always uniform in purity and quality. Mellowed inthe wood and bottled in bond. A. OVERHOLT & CO. Pittsburgh, Pa. —with an EDISON MAZDA in every socket Like scores of other sky-scrapers, big stores and public buildings, this magnificent, cloud-piercing structure, of which the great Northwest is justly so proud, is lighted from top to bottom with EDISON MAZDA. Lamps. Appl thissame shewdoea to nen UU EBEON MREDAS re nly in important rooma, but in eoery room from cellar to garret._ Only thus can you lnm y apenas esearch of MAZDA Service. Your neared desler ot your lightiog company wil gladly show you sizes acd ttyles of EDISON MAZDAS fee every AS in every socket. room ia your EDISON LAMP WORKS QE THE GENERAL ELECTRIC COMPANY Sales Otice, Harrison, N.J. Agvectes Everywhere If Things Were Reversed 'HE sleek and respectable old cat who had been spending his vaca- tion at the seashore, stuffing himself on oysters, fish and crabs, came back to town to spend one night—just to get a little contrast. About midnight he heard a peculiar wailing, and, opening the blinds, saw the man of the house sitting on the back-yard fence. He was so weak and faint it was all he could do to hold on. His clothes hung about him in tatters. “You're a fine cat!” he moaned. “You went off without making any provision for me—just locked up the house and abandoned me to my fate.” “Where's your wife?” said the cat. “Oh, she’s gone away with another man who takes her on joy rides.” “And you are starving, are you?” “Tam.” The old cat proceeded calmly to close the blinds, “That's good,” he observed. “ After all these years in which we city cats have been abandoned during the sum- mer by whole families, I’m delighted to get even in my small way. And while I think of it, don’t moan and keep me awake or I'll throw a dyna- mite bomb at you.” * The man on the fence sighed. “Won't you get arrested?” he yowled. “Hardly,” said the sleck old cat, as he turned the shutters. “ They'll only think I’m a member of the I. W. W., and nothing is ever done to the I, W. W., you know.”