Life, 1914-05-07 · page 19 of 52
Life — May 7, 1914 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Section: "Historic Fools"** This satirical list celebrates historical figures condemned as fools by their contemporaries—Columbus, Luther, Galileo, Lincoln, and others—who were actually visionaries. The final entry targets **President Woodrow Wilson**, calling him a fool for placing "morality and conscience above expediency." This critiques Wilson's idealistic foreign policy (likely referencing WWI decisions or the League of Nations) as naive compared to pragmatic realpolitik. **Bottom Left: Six caricatured women** labeled with different marriage types ("Married for Money," "Married for Title," etc.), satirizing why women marry—a commentary on gender and economic dependence. **Bottom Right: "Hail, Colorado!"** A scathing exposé of Colorado's coal mining industry, which maintained a horrific fatality rate of two deaths per miner compared to national averages since 1909. The piece sarcastically "congratulates" Colorado for this murderous efficiency, implying systemic negligence and unsafe conditions are intentional. **"First Working Girl" joke:** Two women discuss an alarm clock—minimal humor, likely filler content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
al MARRIED SurrRaceTTe Historic Fools COLUMBUS was a fool to think that the earth was round and might contain lands hitherto undiscovered. Martin Luther was a fool to defy the established church of his country and to preach salvation by faith rather than hy money. Galileo was a fool to insist that the world moved around the sun, particularly as the statement involved life im- prisonment. Napoleon was a fool to look for courage and a sense of honor in a people who had just succeeded in murdering their king and the greater part of their aristocracy. William Wordsworth was a fool to try to write interest- ing poetry by merely describing exactly what he saw. George Washington was a fool to claim that a British colony could be governed in any other way than that of the British Empire. George Stephenson was a fool to believe that steam could be utilized for making a machine travel on wheels. Richard Wagner was a fool to use the operatic stage for the production of realistic and dramatic effects. Abraham Lincoln was a fool to demand that the Union be preserved on a basis of freedom and equality for all men. Bismarck was a fool to attempt an organization and cen- tralization of the heterogeneous German kingdoms. Woodrow Wilson is a fool to place morality and con- science above expediency and the line of least resis 1 anes, . Five Conroe PPD Atego Hail, Colorado! Hail! IF you want to be killed in a coal mine, take the next train for Colorado. We have it from the State mining inspector out there that two miners are killed in that State for every one killed in all the rest of the United States. Nothing accidental about it, either, apparently, for this gait has been maintained since 1909, quite long enough to prove that Colorado's killing methods are entitled to the Ilue ribbon for efficiency. Colorado ought to feel very proud of this, and it might not be out of place to suggest that she erect a monument to herself in the Garden of the Gods, or on the top of Pike's Peak, or at some other suit- able point IRST WORKING GIRL sad thing this morn Srconn Workixe Gre (seearily) : Say, Mame, I heard an awful So did I—the alarm comicbooks.com