Life, 1914-04-16 · page 38 of 44
Life — April 16, 1914 — page 38: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page combines advertisements with satirical content mocking Washington bureaucracy. **The Main Satire:** "Getting Information in Washington" ridicules the impenetrable federal government. It depicts someone trying to obtain basic information about a smallpox epidemic on the USS Ohio. The narrator is shuffled between the Navy Secretary's office, the Bureau of Navigation, and the medical department—each official claims to have the information but refuses to share it, sending the inquirer elsewhere. After exhausting rounds between buildings, the person returns to where they started, learning nothing. **The Joke:** The article concludes with dark irony: the frustrated visitor leaves "confirmed in the suspicion that vaccination prevents smallpox"—implying the government's obstruction is so complete it becomes absurd. **Historical Context:** This reflects early 20th-century frustration with government opacity and bureaucratic runaround—a common satirical target in *Life* magazine during this era. The page also includes period advertisements for silk stockings, drawing schools, and whiskey.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
) or Plain Endy ask for the Milo Red Box The First Silk Stockings in England Were made of Taffeta for Queen Elizabeth 1560 The Finest Stockings in the World Arce Made For Pou 1914 Send for Cetalogve PECK & PECK 588 Fifth Avenue, at 48th Street 481 Fifth Avenue, at 41st Street 448 Fifth Avenue, at 39h Street NEW YORK : “postpaid NATIONAL ° SCHOOL OF "DRAWING. Washington, D. CG ules 7, EUROPE ratlon Tears at High cls tours. © ‘quent sallings, May 7h to. July Mt cally Inclusive. » CLANK, Times Butlding, New York | Cork. Tips in the Milo Yellow Label Box Getting Information in Wash- ington F you happen to be in Washington and desire to find out some of the details of the recent smallpox epidemic on the battleship Ohio, proceed as follow First, you go, naturally, to the office of the Secretary of the Navy, which is in the State, War and Navy Build- ing. There a courteous clerk will look at you keenly while you state your mission, He may or may not have the information you wish, but he does not reveal it. Instead, without deciding whether you are friend or foe, he passes you on to one of the heads of the Bureau of Navigation. — This courteous officer doesn’t take long to indicate that, while he is thoroughly familiar with the facts you are after, he would rather have someone else tell them to you. Accordingly, you are politely re- ferred to the medical department of the navy, which is an entirely different building on the next block, and you are given the name of one of the doctors in that department. Thereupon you set out grimly upon the third lap of your research, and have no difficulty in finding the office of the doctor whose name has been furnished you. But as doctors are notoriously averse to giving informa- tion, you are not greatly surprised when, from an inner room, this one issues forth, looking as solemn as an undertakers assistant, and announces that, owing to this-and-that and so- and-so, he must deny you access to the information which he has, and refer ANOTHER VERSION THE DEATH OF AFSCULAPIUS, you back to the office of the Secretary of the Navy. Back again you trudge from one building to the other, which in this city of magnificent distances is much farther than it sounds. When you once more arrive at the office of the Secretary, you are gently but firmly in- formed that, while the facts have been carefully compiled, you will have to go without them, If you have a temper, this is the proper point at which to display it. Otherwise you will smile in sweet humility. In either case you will saunter back to your hotel fully con- firmed in the suspicion that vaccination prevents smallpox. A uittte girl, when asked by her teacher to distinguish between the human and the animal fai . replied : “A brute is an imperfect beast ; man is a perfect beast."—Ladies’ Home Journal. Sutil the eobject wea talked eet.” Old Overholt Rye “Same for 100 years"” It's pure, mellow flavor and rare fragrance have helped to smooth over many an argument. A pledge of sincerity between friends. Aged in charred oak barrels, distilled and bottled in bond. A. OVERHOLT & CO. Pittsburgh, Pa. comicbooks.com 1