Life, 1913-12-18 · page 29 of 40
Life — December 18, 1913 — page 29: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains several distinct pieces: **"Keep Off, Mars"** (top left) is satirical commentary on American society. Referencing recent claims by French astronomer M. LeCourtre about signals from Mars, the piece sarcastically warns Mars not to investigate Earth further. The joke: it lists American moral failings—"cutting people up, of roasting young children, of tearing people to pieces on railroad tracks, and of lying and stealing from each other"—as reasons Mars shouldn't look too closely at human civilization. It's social criticism disguised as absurdist humor, suggesting America's violent and dishonest practices would be shameful if exposed to extraterrestrial scrutiny. The page is otherwise dominated by period advertisements (AutoStrop razors, Kelly-Springfield tires) and a brief anecdote about litigation ("Willing to Keep Right on Lawing"), a gentle jab at lawsuit-prone Americans.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
earned Keep Off, Mars lealing CCORDING to a statement re- ; PIEe Saat ; of in A cently made by M. LeCoutre, a Fc ho ee French astronomer, the people of Mars | fa BE ne: eet ‘hoever they may be) have recently | aut YN letter (whoever they may be. Hed 7 sabe ink it been trying to signal this earth. Bluish 7 ; 3 j dectric flashes lasting several seconds \ ‘ , a “what ind extending over a period of seven- ; “he H teen days have emanated from Mars, ; | Fe." their periodicity being such as to indi- res : ‘ : | nal. cate a series of signals. | - ae s 4 Mars, if this is true, you are making i Ones | a great mistake. We advise you not | x £% . f ¢ naster to go any further. Don't do No é ¢ keeps good can come from it, anyway. Up vas ; ? AY often to the present time our success as a \8 2 {x #h that planet has depended upon our keeping NV i is he things to ourselves. If the other be fe t the planets should suspect what was going } a mds, a on here, we should undoubtedly be in- q : t the vestigated, and it is easy to predict in oad y these advance what the result would be. ry h the At present we are shining by a re- » fi a fiected light, and Mars does not know y med what is really going on. We beg Mars | af x bi not to make any further attempts in | f our direction. Our practice of cutting people up, of roasting young children, of tearing press Bea people to pieces on railroad tracks, and of lying and stealing from each other constantly would not look well on a planetary witness stand. We cannot stand the white light of celestial pub- licity, and so, Mars, we beg of you please not to go any further. ” OPK to Lin zs a Jal %e a ah OT only on Christmas morning but ever afterwards he will experience the greatest joy in the use of this most welcome gift. The new model AutoStrop Safety Razor is adjustable for all beards. Each 72 blades are guaranteed to gize 500 velvety, cool shaves. Some men use one blade a year. A variety of handsome silver- and gold-plated outfits to choose from. $5 to $19. Send for “TN be thar.” catalogue. Sold by all dealers. Ml law you to “ell!” "My atresia AutoStrop Safety Razor #77; AutoStrop Safety Razor Co., 368 Fifth Avenue, New York. Toronto. London ” f ] om Willing to Keep Right on Lawing This “lawyer” story is told by the Oakley (Kas.) Graphic: ‘An old man, now dead, never seemed to be satisfied unless he had several cases pending in court. He had just won a case in the justice court when the loser, in a combative frame of mind, exclaimed : “Til law you to the Circuit Court!” Oto Max—I'll be thar!” Loser—" And ['ll law you to the Su- preme Court Automobile Tires To make Kelly-Springheld Tires: Take real rubber, add skill and honesty, season with the longest experience in the field, and mix by hand. KELLY-SPRINGFIELD TIRE COMPANY __ Cor. B’way & 57th St., N. Y. | offces ia New York. Chicago. Philadelphia, Boston, St. Louis, Detroit. Cincinnati, San Francisco, Pid lees the lay Angeles. Cleveland, Baltinore, Seattle, Atlan. Akron. O.. Bu he Hearn Tire & Rubber Co.. Columlas, Oho NDING Boas Ruther Co., Col = “THAT YOUR STOMACH GROWLING?” rock Co, Ltd., New Orteans, La. : ¥ Co., Jacksonville, S—THE FIRS . Central Rubber & Supply Co., Indianapolis, Ind. © D. Franke & C ¥ THEATIRST, ONE, COMPLATS H.-R. Okasted & Son, Syractise. N.Y K&S. Auto Tire Co.