Life — December 18, 1913 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

While walking down the street one day I heard a damsel squea I tried to stop the runaw: And spoiled a lengthy re T saw a brutal fellow shove A child beneath a van. T saved her, to the horror of The moving picture man. At every turn you may invade The moving picture realm Let others ply the hero's trade; Don’t butt into a film. —Pittsburgh Post. Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York Why Haste Was Desired A local paper tells of a clergyman who received this note telling him to perform a marriage ceremony: “This is to give you notis that I and Miss Jemima Arabella Brearly is coming to your church on Saturday afternoon next to undergo the operation of matri- money at your hands. Please be prompt, as the cab is hired by the hour.” —London Opinion. CADBURY'S ENGL 2 W. 47th 8t., HM CHOCOLATES FOR CHRISTMAS. ¥. Phone Bryant 6076 A tarce, slouchy colored man went shuffling down the road whistling like a lark. His clothes were ragged and his shoes were out at toes and heels, and he appeared to be in the depths of pov- erty for all his mirth. As he passed a prosperous-looking house a man stepped from the doorway and hailed him. “Hey, Jim! I got a job for you. Do you want to make a quarter?” , sah,” said the done got a quarter. ragged one. Sverybody’s. FORT WILLIAM HENRY HOTEL “3°; Be ee ALD to TH ae a em z ~ > “The Utmost in Cigarettes” EGYPTIAN -DEITiEs Plain or Cork Tips Floored A crabbed old misogynist said to Ethel Barrymore at a dinner in Bar Harbor: “Woman! Feminism! Suffrage! Bah! Why, there isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t rather be beautiful than telligent.” “That's because,” said Miss Barry- more, calmly, “so many men are stupid while so few are blind."—Tribune. in- Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bitters is made more delightful and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, Sets. in stampa. C. W. Abbott & Co. Baltimore, Md. His One Chance “You eat very little, Mr. Smith,” said the maiden coyly to the bashful lover who had been invited to share the family Christmas dinner. “Yes,” replied he, and for once he saw a chance and, grasping his courage, he said: “To sit next to you, Miss Grace, is to lose one’s appetite.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. ~ i | | A Happy Marriage epends largely on a nowledge of the whole truth about self and sex their rela! to life health. This knowl ed come i telligently of itself, nor correctly from ordinary, every-day sources. SEXOLOGY (iitustrated) by William H. Welling, A.M., 31.D., imparts in a dear wholesome way in one volun Knowledge a Young Knowledge a Knowledge a nowledge a Imp: Sor Medical Rnowledge a Husband Should Hav Knowledge a Young Woman Should Have. nowledge x Young Wife Shi nowledge a Mother Shou d Impart to Her Daughter. ledge a Mother P Wife Should Have, Medical Knowledge a All in one volume. Illustrated, $2, postpaid. af Contents Write for “Other Pespie's Opinions” and Puritan Pub. Co. 776 Perry Bldg., Phila, Pa One Of Our Conquerors The manceuvers, in which the Red and the Bluc armies had engaged in mimic warfare, had They subject of conversation on the porch of a summer hotel. “Yes, I was at the mancuvers,” re- marked a talkative stranger. “I was with the Blue army “Tell us listeners. “Well, the first day I took one of the Red's officers.” “Yes “And the next day I took cight men.” “Well! well!” “Yes, and the day before we quit I took a lot of transport wagons; and followed that up by taking a big gun.” “Say, my friend,” one of the group who had been listening in aston- ishment to these tales of military prow- ess, “what are you, anyway?” “Oh,” replied the stranger, “Iam a photographer. , ende were the about it,” s. one of the said