Life, 1913-10-16 · page 18 of 44
Life — October 16, 1913 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Life magazine page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **The Main Story** (by Wallace Irwin): A Japanese visitor witnesses wealthy businessman Hon. Soapstone assault a Japanese butler, then attempts to report it to newspapers. Both the *Daily Pharasee* and *Morning Whitewash* (transparent names mocking yellow journalism) refuse to publish the truth because Soapstone is a major advertiser. The satire exposes how newspapers suppress inconvenient facts to protect wealthy clients—a real Progressive Era concern about press corruption and corporate influence. **The Suffrage Cartoons**: Two pieces mock anti-suffrage arguments. "Seven Stages" traces a woman's journey from dismissing suffrage to becoming devoted to it. "Who, Indeed?" ridicules an anti-suffragist's claim that women can't vote because housework prevents it—implying the argument prioritizes convenience over women's rights. The context is pre-1920, during intense suffrage debates, when such satire criticized both media dishonesty and anti-women's-equality positions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Yes, Yet no reporter come to Frank, who feel entirely lonesome. “I shall go and tell your bruised condition to all news-offices so you shall be entirely famus to morrow,” I say to that ill Japanese. So I do so. Firstly I go to office of Daily Pharasee. Reporting Editor come out. “Dear Mr,” I corrode, “last night some news happen. Hon. J. W. Soap- stone, rich-wealthy Department Storer, seriously salted Japanese butler with chairs.” Hon. News took talented pencil and wrote, “Last night our eminently steamed fellow townsman and churchworker, Gen. J. W. Soapstone, narrowly escaped sassination from Japanese butler, drunk from reading Progres- sive literature. Gen. Soapstone were standing helplussly in million dollar doorway of his famus country home, ‘Graftmore’, when savage Oriental, without a word of premeditation, began to murder him...” “O stop up!” I holla. “It were Hon. Soapstone who did all the mur- dering.” “Umpossible!” dib Hon. News. “He are one of our most important advertisers.” I elope away. When I took that crime to office of Morning Whitewash I meet Hon. Office Boy who say, “Soapstone? What he does goes in Society Colum.” So he rung for gen- tlemanly lady who approach with type- writer and wrote: “A delightfully quaintish Japanese tea-party was gave by Commodore and Mrs. J. W. Soapstone last evening at Semaphone-by-the-Sound. After sup- per of rice wine Commodore Soapstone gave pretty exhibition of Jew jitsu with Prof Frank Ichimoto of Tokio. Hon. Prof was defeated with great politeness.” “Such lie literature!” I holla. “ That were not a tea-party Hon. Soap- stone gave. It was a murder.” “You are talking garbage!” she otter. “Hon. Soapstone buys 6 pages weekly advertisement in this paper.” “When can I tell truth about my friend?" I snagger. “When you can buy more advertis- ing than Hon. Soapstone,” she narrate with Tuxedo smile. "DARE Mr Editor, because you are a Comic, maybe you are not afraid to tell what is. It will help Hon, Frank’s bursted collarbone to know how he has been published among other crimes. Also send 1 doz oranges and 2 years subscription to “Life Magazine” to Deceiving Hospital where he is bed- riding. Frank are quite Y. M. C, A. and say, “Newspapers are very human-nat- ural and enjoy many noble thoughts. See how anxious they are to reform politics in Turkey and China!” “Human folks is like telescopes,” I permit. “We see spots most clearest when they are too far off to hurt busi- ness.” Hoping you are the same Yours truly Hasuisura Toco, (Per Wallace Irwin.) IFE: Now, really, why do you women want the vote? Surrracette: To keep the men from doing all the things you say the women will do when they do get it. The Seven Stages of Becoming a Suffragist IRST.—" It doesn’t interest me!” Second.—“I really don’t care whether women get the vote or not!” Third.—" It's. most amusing how much those suffragists care about such a little thing!” Fourth—“TI haven't the time to vote, any-vay. I’m late now for my bridge!” Fifth come!" Sixth.—“ I’m on the fence!” Seventh.—" Suffragist? Yes, indeed, 1 couldn’t be anything else; been one for forty years; guess I was born one!” Oh, I know it’s bound to Who, Indeed? “AJO,” cried the anti-suffragist as she gathered up her bridge prizes and departed for home, “I am unalterably opposed to woman suf- frage! Why, if my nursemaid spent her time at the polls, who would take care of the baby?” Patrolman: EXCEEDING THE SPEED LIMIT, SERGEANT. “WHAT NAMES?” “ PHILIP SHERIDAN, JOHN GILPIN, TAM O'SHANTER AND PAUL REVERE.” comicbooks.com