Life, 1913-09-04 · page 37 of 40
Life — September 4, 1913 — page 37: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising** with some satirical content interspersed. The main advertisements promote **Cook's Imperial Champagne** (questioning import duties and shipping costs), **Paris Garters** (featuring a recurring cartoon character), and a **weight-loss/body-improvement system** by Annette Kellermann. The satirical elements include: 1. **"Maritime Curios"** — a whimsical list of absurd nautical items (a "rock from a topsail," a "kiss from the wind-lass"), mocking tourists' fascination with ship memorabilia. 2. **A brief story** about personified U.S. states, where "New York" is depicted as disreputable, causing other states (Vermont, Louisiana) to distance themselves — social satire on New York's scandalous reputation. The page reflects early 20th-century concerns: import tariffs, maritime novelty-seeking, weight anxiety, and regional American stereotypes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
a trIES Cy Plain Facts about Champagne Can the customs officers impart life, bouquet, flavor to a wine? Can a transatlantic steam- ship freight department im- prove the purity and delic- iousness of a champagne? If so, by all means pay $2.00 for your champagne—of which Uncle Sam gets 60c for duty and a steamship company 40c for freight. But if not—buy Cook's Imperial and get the best of cham- pagnes, all of whose cost goes into quality. Sold Everywhere and Served Everywhere American Wine Co., St. Louis, Mo. patronizing, alcoholic voice, “ what do you know about me? Am I not the loveliest, the-—” But the other states had rapidly dis- persed, leaving her alone. “We have to draw the line some- where,” whispered Vermont, as she held up her skirts. “Who was she?” asked Louisiana, as they breathed the open air. “That dreadful New York.” Let those who would affect singular- ity with success, first determine to be very virtuous, and they will be sure to be very singular.—c. Colton. Maritime Curios A ROCK from the reef of a top- sail, A view from the peak of a mainsail, A cry from the throat of a foresail, A bone from the back-stays, A wink from the dead-eye, A full-house from the deck, A diamond from the ear-ring, An oar from the galley, wheel from the truck, cross baby for the spanker, turnip from the yard, ribbon for the bonnet of the jib, hen from the main hatch, kiss from the wind-lass, hock ticket for the starboard watch, belt from the waist, message from the cable, masterpiece from the painter, laugh from the jolly-boat, frown from the stern davits, blade from the cutter, hoe from the tiller, crust from the roll of the ocean, feather from the crest of a wave, Some quills from the wings of the wind, An acquaintance with a ship's com- panion, Society mention from the Topeka Capital: “There is a good deal of sup- pressed excitement in town due to the fact that one of the Willoughby girls re- cently entertained a man caller. For years it has been said of the Willoughby girls that, while they gave a street pa- rade every day, they had never been able to sell a ticket to the evening perform- ance.” —Kansas City Star. PARIS GARTER MAN OU'VE seen him in street cars, on the bill boards, in the magazines, and in the newspapers, Next time you buy garters, be sure you SEE HIM ON THE BOX. PARIS GARTERS No Metal Can Touch You are the recognized stand- ard the world over. A. Stein @, Company~ Makers CHICAGO NEW YORK Reduce or Increase Your Weight Become my pupil and | will make you my friend. Devote fifteen minutes daily to my system and you can weigh what Nature intended. You can reduce any part of your figure | burdened with superfluous flesh or build up any part that is un- developed. The effect of my system can be concentrated oa your hips, waist, limbs or any other portions of your body Perfect Your Figure My ayiter tends to make a 6 ly proportioned throwghout—a | alk Youn meek ‘huey shsalbeh ancy aed pers be, fe come | ple rect poise and grace of movement. You Can Improve Your Health M imulaten,reorganizes and regenerates the entire body. It hela randorm the food into’ good ch Dood "Mt wrengihens Tung and other organn, beneéting all weaknesecs od duorders. and generating vial force, My latest book. * The Bady Beautiful” should be read by every woman and I will send it to you free rex fallacy that lack ‘el beauty or heath Soma tas te VIGOROUS, HEALTTIY tod woman can \ fe ATTRACTIVE. Uhave practic what tech, In chdhood I wes y and deformed. "I have overcome all weakness Ey'tny own natural droglew mahode. Millone of people have seen in me a Kring demonstration of my tenique fytem of health culture and body buildin Hiyms ar wea nero Tat thin wma cr mn any other et very bea, Lean euely be cl wervice you My Gearantee With my free book, “The a ia fully illustrated with photographs of myself ex ing my system, I give full particalars of my ante Thal Plan, whereby you can test the value of ‘my iatruction without raking a ingle penny, Send two-cent stamp for The Bod Beoutifl "and Trial Plan to-day. ANNETTE KELLERMANN Suite 909.1, 12 W. 31st St., New York Scene in a park. Silence reigneth. On a bench therein are seated two young lovers of color. Rastus wrecks the quiet: “Honey, I-all gwine kiss you-all to- night.” “Go ‘way, boy, you-all’s a liah!"” “No, indeed, honey, I's a prophet.” —Widow. comicbooks.com