Life, 1912-07-25 · page 24 of 41
Life — July 25, 1912 — page 24: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical "guide" to New York City that uses mock-definitions to critique urban institutions and social problems. Life magazine's humor here targets: **Social commentary**: Automobiles described as instruments of "race homicide" (reflecting early-1900s concerns about traffic deaths); slot machines as tools for separating fools from money; Broadway pickpockets extracting tourists' funds. **Institutional critique**: Department stores' exchange desks called a "House of Detention"; savings banks labeled "Places of Interest"; the incomplete Cathedral of St. John mocked for having only its first syllable built. **The cartoon** shows a drowning woman asking a lifeguard to stay nearby because she has "fainting spells"—satirizing dependency and helplessness, likely commenting on contemporary attitudes about women's weakness. The author (Carolyn Wells) uses absurdist definitions throughout—libraries as "backgrounds for flagpoles," Oyster Bay as mere "(Ditto)" to Oyster Cocktail—to expose New York's greed, fraud, and social pretension with biting wit.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ale ARF Be City Tips, or a Guide to Gotham Ti UTOMOBILE—A_ma- chine used by the classes for the over- throw and crushing out of the masses. An efficacious instrument of race homicide. Automatic Stot Macuin A modern invention to facilitate the peedy parting of a fool and his money. Broapway.—So-called because it is the narrowest street in the city. It is hounded on the south by the Flatiron Building and on the north by the Hotel Astor. The Broadwayward inhabit- nts are skilled in the painless extrac- tion of visitors’ funds, in which pro- ceeding they are adept and expeditious. (Sce suburban timetables.) Boss.—(See Intelligence Office.) Cuitpren.—Obsolete term. Corrre Excua —A Diet Dispen- sary, where the injurious and death- ling coffee-berry may be exchanged for a wholesome package of Browned Beans, or Ground Bread Crumbs. Coat ann Iron Excuance.—A most convenient institution for those who wish to exchange their coal for iron, or vice versa, Catueprat oF St. Joun.—A noble example of architecture. As yet only the first syllable has been erected. Cueap Sxates.—(See Five and Ten Cent Store.) Coney Istanp.—Indescribable. Coney Island.) Diana.—A celebrated statue repre- senting the acme of high art. Fine Arts.—New York City is well up in the fine arts. Many lady artists have studios of their own, where they hand-paint pictures and keep a gas stove. There are also shops where one may buy lovely burnt-leather things, and hand-painted calendars, Fisuinc.—Take N. Y. C. & H. R. R. tothe Adirondacks. Here fine trout fishing can be had (i.¢., may be had, or should be had). Or, take the Cross Country Limited to San Francisco, and then to Portland, Ore., for splendid salmon fishing. Or Southern Railroad to Florida for tarpon and alligators. Fisninc Cruss.—(See Ananias.) Tue Hirroprome.—This word is de- rived from the Greek hippo, a horse, and drome, past participle of dream; therefore, a horse dream (if night- mare). A description of this institu- tion is impossible, as the largest ad- jectives in the English language are not as large as the Hippodrome. (See the show.) a House or Detention,—The change desk of a department store. Hot Arr Funp.—An appropriation for defraying the expenses of cam- paign committees. Hospitat.—(See appendix.) Liprary.—A background for a pair (See ex- “SEE HERE, LIFE SAVEK, 1 AM ACCUSTOMED TO THE WATER, BUT 1 HAVE LITTLE FAINTING SPELLS SOMETIMES. NOW I WANT YOU TO STAY NEAR AND TAKE ME 1N YOUR BOAT IF NECESSARY.” SOMETHING TO FALL BACK ON of marble heraldic animals, and a pair of flagpoles. Lone Istanp.—A sound proposition. Lone Brancu.—(Forget it.) Oyster Cocktai.—A combination of hot and peppery ingredients, result- ing in biting sauce. Oyster Bay.—(Ditto.) Praces or Ixterest.—Savings banks. Peacn Crop.—(See a comic opera.) Roor Garens.—Gardens where they raise the roof. Sturreo Crus.—The Club, Scnoo. ror Desicninc Younc Womex.—An institution for the in- struction of young women in all kinds of designing. (An unnecessary indus- try.) Millionaires” sITARY Drinkinc Fountains.—A ary evil, Surrracettes.—An unnecessary evil. Tueatres.—(See all the attractions.) Intermissions.—(See a man.) Terxisu Batus.—These are given free in the Subway trains and in the Grand Central Tunnel. Tunes.—Contrivances for the trans- portation of Rubes to and from the NDERLOIN.—A tough district. Union Marxet.—(See Matrimonial Bureau.) Woman's Court.) Watt Street.—The abode of Brokers and the Broke. Carolyn Wells. XCHANGE.—(See Divorce the comicbooks.com