Life — June 13, 1912 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Two Tales of the South Thomas R. Shipp in a political speech this season told a story about a colored man he once encountered in front of a “busted” bank down South. “What's the matter, uncle?” asked Shipp. “Did you have some moncy in that bank?” “Every bit I had in the world, $40,” the colored man replied. “It makes me feel awful bad to lose it.” “You should take the matter calmly,” said Shipp. “Did you never hear of a bank bursting before?” “Yes,” said the uncle with emphasis. “ But this one done busted right in mah face.” At the same meeting, where Herbert Knox Smith, United States Commission- er of Corporations, addressed the Indian- apolis Trade Association, Mr. Smith told a story of the South, A Northern man made a visit to the plantation of a South- ern Colonel, he said, and was almost de- voured the first night by mosquitoes. The next morning the Northern man asked the colored butler about the mosquito plague. “Don't the mosquitocs bother the Colonel?" he asked. “Not much, sah,” the butler replied. “The fust part of the night the Colonel am too drunk to feel mosquitoes, and the last part of the night they is too drunk to bother him."—Indianapolis News. Lanptapy: You believe in mustard plasters, doctor? M.D.: Rather! I always order them for patients who call me out in the mid- dle of the night when there's nothing the matter with ’em.—Tit-Bits. Caron! Bitters. sample bottle with patent dasher, The best by test. Send 25 cents for and be convinced. Gen'l Distrs Your Baggage in Or wherever you travel can be pro- tected by one of our Tourist Policies. A little forethought before departure may prevent innumerable annoyances. “It costs but a few centsa day and may save you hundreds of dollars.” If you will advise us in advance of the date of your departure upon any trip, we will send you gratis our attractive and useful bon voyage book entitled “Things to Remember While Traveling.” Insurance Company of North America Walnut and Third Sts., Philadelphia WHEN TRAVELING Founded 1792 BABGABE al $4,000,000 Surplus to Policy Holders over $8,000,000 ‘THE RAREST OLD WHISKEY MONEY CAN BUY HE Gibson distillation of ‘1900 is now being marketed T in one-gallon demijohns, and be boxed and sent direct from our warehouse on order of your geler ot to your personal address, prepaid—at , purity and quality guar; approved “methods & Ten Dollars a gallon, Made by the most , carefully selected | rye and of the Monongahela valley. rrels A864 to ale 8, numbered . 9 GILBERT Vest-Pocket Silk Hat Entirely Different ALL SIZES fing. Traveling and bus- Tight. Weight, one ounce.” Made of LK, strictly hand tailored. Otle. sweat band. Colors—Black and White Check, Black, Navy Blue, Brown, Ys 5 0. LADIES HATS —wider bzim and fuller crown, $2.25—worth more. (Note—Ti fg match above hats, four-in ands and bows, socents.) SA ISFACTION, GiLBERT & COMPANY, 777 Decatur, Miinois, best quali Spain— Prejudged A jury trial in a Western town had gone along for more than an hour when the trial judge discovered that the panel was shy a juror. “What does this mean?" he roared. “There are only eleven jurors in the box; where is the twelfth?” “Please, your Honor,” answered one of the eleven, “he has gone away. from here on some other business; but he has left his verdict with me."—Lippincott’s: The Cause “Madam, I am just out of the hospital, and——' “ Don't tell me any such story as that! You are the same man I gave a piece of Pic to not two weeks ago. “Yes'm, dat was just ‘fore I went to de hospital."—Houston Post. A teaspoonful of Abbott's Bitters with your Grape Frit makes an j as ct He of bitters by mal appetizing tor Md. mp in'stamps., C. W, Abbott & Co., Baltimore. He Understood The orchestra played number six, a selection that seemed to the bachelor very beautiful. He leaned toward his companion and whispered : “How lovely that is! What is it, do you know?” She smiled demurely and replied in a low, thrilling voice “It is the ‘ Maiden’s Prayer.’” And at the same time she handed him her programme, pointing to number six with her finger. He read and started, for the real : of the selection was Mendelss« “Wedding March.” The bachelor bovght the ring next day. cinnati Enquirer. GREAT BEAR SPRING WAT! 50 cer ts per case of 6 glass stoppered comicbooks.com TI disti nitic