Life — April 4, 1912 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LITTLE TROUBLES OF OUR PRE- HISTORIC ANCESTORS —and no after effects. That is what everyone wants. And it is assured when you drink the water of good health— ‘Londonderry Mineral Water There's a quality that gives relish to every meal, in London- derry. Its purity and lightness make it the finest of solvents— a water that takes up and carries off the waste of the body. With elements that the body needs—and none that can harm. And a delightful blender. Effervescent, in three table sizes. Plain, in half-gallon bottles. If you have difficulty in ob- taining Londonderry locally, write us and we will see that you are supplied at once, LONDONDERRY LITHIA SPRING WATER CO. Eee Est. 1874—Iac. 1910 THE WETZEL BUILDING 2and 4 East Forty-Fourth Street NEW YORK SPORTING and MUFTI TAILORS BRERCHES MAKERS “Throw-on" overcoats realy for trwn or country service —in the Wetze! Sportiny Department, The Discourses of Mrs. Epictetus RETAINING A HUSBAND To select and win (catch) a husband is a simple task compared with that of keeping him in leash afterward. You will have to decide carly if he is the sort that may be kept soggy and good natured with well-cooked food or if he is the nervous, temperamental kind that must be pressed with the faults that he is constantly committing. Get him in the habit of apologizing for something at least once a day, pref- erably (by choice) before breakfast. This will start the day on the right basis. It is well with the nervous hus- band to adopt the manner of one who made a serious mistake in marry- ing a tyrant. This only if he be like to Mr. Pipp. But if he be domincering and master- ful, treat him like a child and praise his good disposition even though his temper may be hot—like flame. And do not argue (nag) with him, or he will be quick to make it an ex- éuse for staying out late. When he re- turns, be sleeping deeply, without no- ticing him. For he will expect to find you weeping. only at such times as it is wise to weep, or he will seek one who smiles. And again neither weep nor smile, but let him alone. Encourage him to go fishing or to his club, Loosen all nets (strings) about him, that he may feel that he is free and you do not care. He will wonder (guess) much and will tire of freedom, for man under- values what he has and wishes always for what he has not. His dinner choose with care, that they may appease his hunger with much sweets and all foods which are not good 670 “THY who understand the etiquette of gentlemen’s dress, value rightly the assemblage of cloths provided by the house of WETZEL ‘or its exclusive custom—each fab. bric chosen for its proper usage—in pattern and weave not to be had else- where in America. for him. For these are the « will always prefer. Seek not to correct his ways or make him over, but take him as he is, prais ing him over-much and looking up at him under your eye lashes, even whea you have been married many years. For if you do not these things others will and he will leave home and you will become a grass wife without obu- las or alimony Do not look to him for se ways after marriage. Nor names or flowers or remembrances. not look for (expect) them and it may occur to him to give them. Husbands are constructed in this manner, They will rail at things in women which they 1 FORGED GORDON GIN LABELS AND I WISHED I HADN'T. (THIS IS NO JOKE.)