Life — February 29, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SE rE Maxims for Malcontents W HATEVER is, is wrong. An ounce of theory is worth centuries of = experience. Young men for counsel; old men for pen- sions. The truest education is a smattering of many things. Anyone can keep hotel, edit a newspaper or run a government. Why be logical when a stick of 80 per cent. dynamite will settle any dispute? Property is a crime; therefore it is criminal to be industrious and saving. It is better to talk than to work. Call a crook “ Comrade” and he be- comes honest and one of the Brother- hood of Man. There is no happiness like spending the money of other people. Ignore facts if they conflict with your theories. All Americans are equal; therefore your ideas are as good as any one’s. Two and two used to make four. No one ever got rich honestly. Never try reform by the ballot; dynamite is quicker. Water ought to run up hill; it will when things are properly adjusted. Let’s divide; only you start it. Why should the idle and shiftless be permitted to suffer when there’s a public treasury and taxation to fill it? The true standard of a day’s work is what the laziest workman is will- ing to do. It isn’t necessary to be sure you're right; go ahead anyway. Any honest man can be a patriot; it takes brains to be a demagogue. Tell yourself a lie and stick to it; pretty soon you'll believe it. Make haste slowly is a silly con- tradiction of terms. Every Comrade in the Brotherhood of Man is expected to lend any other Comrade five dollars whenever he asks for it. The American Constitution is a pipe dream made by idiots for the amusement of fools. Any newly landed emigrant or any fresh grad- uate of our time could write a bet- ter one. Never think. It wears out the brains. Talking doesn’t. 28 ™s Every man should make his own laws and break them whenever he feels like it. Bring up your children in the way they should go wrong. The most popular logic of our times is that which draws premises. Never miss a chance to bring discontent The combination makes for to the ignorant. THE CHARMER the happiness and prosper: wrong conclusions from false of every one, Old-age pensions are a mighty in- centive to youthful thrift and industry. Why build up when it is so much easier to tear down? In argument never mind whether your statements of fact are true or not. This puts the burden of proof on the other fellow, “Panem et cir- censes” is an old dodge, but if you call it “free recreation for the people,” it works as well to-day as ever, In case of doubt make a new law. It’s a waste of energy to enforce the old ones. How Trusting! HEN all those uplifters and charity-workers and reporters and smart-setters gathered in a great crowd at Delmonico’s to view an ex- hibition of how bad the “Grizzly Bear” and the “ Turkey Trot” can be, the Reverend Percy Stickney Grant arose, not to ask a blessing, but to say that he knew “none had come here for the purpose of seeing something that was off-color.” How delightfully ingenuous, and what a great light it throws on the ministerial knowledge of human na- ture. If they weren't there for the ex- press purpose of seeing something that was off-color, what in the world were they there for, and what was it all about? E have been able to break some of the trusts all of the time and all of the trusts some of the time, but we have.’t discovered how to break all of the trusts all of the time. “THE BUNNY MORAL! TO ME. James S. Metcalfe. UNHUGGED wHy, HUG” DECLARED IM- IT NEVER SEEMED SO comicbooks.com