Life, 1912-02-29 · page 19 of 40
Life — February 29, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical song, by Wallace Irwin, mocks New York City through the perspective of a Western cowboy confronting urban life. The "tenderfoot" (inexperienced newcomer) boasts of frontier toughness—his .44 revolver, fighting ability, and fearlessness—yet finds himself utterly overwhelmed by Manhattan's chaos. The humor targets urban sophistication as a con: aggressive taxi drivers, corrupt cops extracting bribes (demanding "ground-rent" for standing on sidewalks), predatory waiters robbing tourists, and ticket scalpers. The Statue of Liberty's ironic caption—"where nothin's free"—emphasizes pervasive corruption and commercialism. The accompanying illustration shows primitive humans huddled in a cave, captioned "The Beginning of Civilization," sarcastically suggesting that New York's cutthroat capitalism represents the nadir, not apex, of civilization. The satire critiques 1910s urban greed and disorder through nostalgic contrast with the "honest" frontier.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
-LIFE-: A Tenderfoot on Broadway (Being sung on the X Y Z after a trip to New York) ON Pablo Creek I guess that I Am quite an independent guy, Sufficient with¢my .44—don’t need no automatic. But when I struck that blamed N. Y., I wasn’t such a wildcat—why I’m a tenderfoot on Broadway, and I say it most emphatic! There ain’t no method there, in fact, To tell you how y’ ought to act; There ain’t no calm nor peace o’ mind, nor nothin’ worth enjoyin’. Most everywhere you'll find a cop To yell “Go on!” or holler “ Stop!” Without no rhyme nor reason, and I call it most annoyin’. 1 ain't afraid to fight or bleed; I’ve stopped the X Y Z stampede; I’ve held off twenty Mexicans and never -turned a feather : But nothin’ never chilled my feet Like crossin’ Forty-second street, With forty thousand taxicabs a-hootin’ all together. A bandit I did never see, Could run a hold-up game on me Until I hit the New York trail and met a fresh head waiter; He got my purse and pulled my legs, And taught me French for ham-an’-eggs, Then turned me over calmly to a ticket speculator! The Statue known as “ Libertee,” Stands by the town where nothin’s free. One day, too poor for taxicabs, I strolled down Broadway's wide-walk. I stood awhile before a shop, When up there comes a Broadway cop. Says he to me, “ Ten dollars, please, for ground-rent on the sidewalk!” I'm done with that there giddy town, Where ladies stand while gents sit down, Where health or fortune’s never safe wherever any- one stirs; So back into the ranch I’ve swung, Where I ain’t scared 0’ bein’ stung By nothin’ worse than cactus-spikes or snakes or Gila monsters. Wallace Irwin. THE BEGINNING OF CIVILIZATION