Life, 1911-08-17 · page 35 of 40
Life — August 17, 1911 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains **a lengthy literary story** about two boring men (called "bores") who talk endlessly through seasons and historical epochs—from summer through the Fourth of July, autumn, winter, and eventually through cycles of republics and empires, until the world ends and even Gabriel and St. Peter debate what to do with them in the afterlife. The **satire targets tedious social bores**—people whose conversation never stops and whose presence is inescapable. The joke escalates absurdly: even at the world's end, during resurrection, these men want to keep talking. St. Peter and Gabriel worry that relocating them to Hell would inflict their boring company on the damned—a darkly humorous suggestion that their chatter represents a fate worse than eternal punishment. The page also contains **period advertisements** (Milkhweed Cream, Evans' Ale, Polarine Oil) typical of early 20th-century magazines, unrelated to the satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
And the bores, unheeding, talked on. Christmas came with its holly wreaths its sense of gladness, its distant chimes. New Year's, Valentine's and the pussy willows followed. The voice of the robin was heard in the land were Summer was here The Fourth of mem. July passed in noise and glory. HE present development rium, ‘Autumn ! of aeroplanes and re There was no excitement about them. motors” for land and ia They were en 1 in their regular sea has been made possible sand business. Each knew quietly his own by the gas engine. power. They weren't hurried or flus- ‘ (com tered about it in the least. The gas engine has been xe. fo They had just met—to talk it over. made practicable through the The years went by. The building was development of suitable fuel told remodelled over their heads. A new and lubricating oil. tory, management succeeded. They were weH MILKHWEED CREAM posted for dues—but a purse was made ry!” Corrects all complexion faults, It is absorbed up. It was cheaper to pay than disturb ! throwgh the pores, toning the tissues cleansing, them, other dearing. soothing and softening both outer and inner The Republic changed into an Empire. skin. Prevents freckles. relieves the smart of sun- burn, counteracts the effect of hard water and gives added ch:rm to healthy summer tan. Price, soc. large size, $1.00, at druggists. A sample ‘mailed {ree on request. F. F. Ingram Com And the Empire into a Republic The race was succceded by another. At last there were no more people left—but these two. bore. Bo Teath Be, Detroit. The day of resurrection arrived. Ga fae briel started to blow his horn es “Blow it the other way,” said St In the production and im- vee elere “For Heaven's sake don't at- provement of these gas en- Hace bere alentigne gine necessities, this company Seu Then, ne by ofie; they Went home re- But something must be done with has always led joicing in their hearts. them,” said Gabriel anxiously.‘ This . a Morning dawned. The gray light thing can't go on forever.” We particularly want to from the East lighted up the great But St. Peter, leaning wearily against call your attention to our 7 patches of darkness in the somber the gate, shook his head sternly. Polarine Oil. de room. “It must go on!” he said. e But that isn’t all,” said the first He pointed downward bore. “I want to tell you about—.” “To put them down there,” he whis- “That reminds me,” said the second pered “where they belong, would at- bore. tract the attention of the suffere ss The daylight deepened, The club serv- from the elaborate programme rer ants dusted up. prepared, to them. Would that, | ae Members came in—gingerly at first, you, be fair? If they broke away and and thén’with @: greater freedom, they got to wandering through Hades, think ied moved about carclessly. Like animals of what that would mean! Could you, ‘ed whose timidity gradually disappears, at he asked meaningly, “be so heartless as last they played cards, talked and to add anything more to the misery en sit laughed and disported themselves after oi" . a This Oil is the product of the usual manner. “No, no,” muttered Gabriel not an elaborate series of special er a _ _ _ that, nc: that! That would be too manufacturing processes— ry. The Best Drink much many it them devised espe- cially for Polarine. For Everyone, Everywhere y All the Ti We can safely say that 10 ie me Polarine Oil affords the most 3 perfect lubrication for gas en- a gines of any oil yet produced, Al 0 ir T*S goodness never changes, Alwaystl grand Wy Pelerng Oil(in gaiton and half gallon old Ale under all conditions, at all seasons, in al j cans, in barrels and ha! rrels), . places. Delightfully refreshing, sustaining and satis- us Ligpainten de deeste) Felestee Cap, ying. The old-fashioned, common-sense beverage. ee These lubricants cover the needs of every d and tn Retiten and Sptita Lunn) part of the car. Send to our nearest agency for “Polarine Oe Te C. H, EVANS '& SONS, HUDSON, N. Y , ATENTS ‘“Fee'tertiwer soot stich for Tee earch of Patent Ofc tent and What to laveat wich Ist . Aad prizes ofe-ed for inventions rent free. Pointers,” which includes hints on the care of motor cars, Standard Oil Company (Incorporated) - UNV TUG A USA “nut yupcE, 1M NoT A Masiter!” “THIRTY DAYS IN THE WoRKHOUSE— APPEARANCES ARE AGAINST YOU.” (HOUTA 283 comicbooks.com