Life, 1911-01-26 · page 19 of 44
Life — January 26, 1911 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century vanity and theatrical pretension. **"The Vampire"** is a parody of Kipling's famous poem structure, mocking men obsessed with hair loss remedies. It satirizes the desperation and futility of trying to regrow lost hair despite worthless "tonics"—a common scam of the era. **"The Passing of the Matinee Idol"** ridicules aging theater stars becoming irrelevant. The cartoon shows an elderly actor surrounded by younger competitors, lamenting lost prominence. The accompanying text humorously announces a new star to Harvard Observatory as if discovering a celestial body—mocking the inflated egos of minor theatrical celebrities. **"As It Used to Be"** satirizes Shakespearean actors' delusions. A player accepts a minor role expecting it will launch him into melodrama fame, revealing the desperation and unrealistic ambitions of struggling theater performers. All three pieces target vanity, false remedies, and theatrical pretension—common Life magazine targets for educated, urban readers skeptical of both commercial hucksterism and show-business self-importance.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Vampire (Apologies to Kipling, FOOL there was and he lost his hair (Even as you and I.) On the top was a spot that was almost bare. (We called him the fellow who did not care.) Put the fool he knew that his locks were rare (Even as you and 1.) Oh, the years we waste and the tears we waste, ‘And the hair-tonics we find, Lelong to the hair that would not grow. (And now we know that it never could grow) Either in front or behind. A fool there was and his life he spent (Even as you and I.) Praying for hair like a regular “ gent.” (And the more he prayed the more it went.) But the fool must follow his natural bent (Even as you and I.) Oh, the toil we lost and the spoil we lost, And the excellent cures we planned, THE PASSING OF THE MATINEE IDOL Belong to the barber that did not know (And now we know that he never could know) And never could understand. So the fool was stripped of his foolish hair (Even as you and I.) He caught a cold when he “hit the air” (And now a toupee is resting there.) But nobody seems to know or care (Even as you and I.) And it is not the blame and it is not the shame That stings like a white-hot brand It's coming to know that it could not grow, Seeing at last that it never could grow, But it fell out to “ beat the band.” Elsie Janis. Interesting Event in High Life NEW star was reported December 30 to the Harvard Observatory by the Astronomer Royal of England. Discovery verified in Cambridge. Star and folks doing well. Now of seventh magnitude and growing, it has had its picture taken and is awaiting its name and the offer of an engagement by Oscar Hammerstein. As It Used to Be HE you got a good part?” asks the friend of the actor who has been engaged to play in Bill Shake- spere’s company at the Globe Theater. “Fairish,” answers the player. “I've got ‘Mercutio’ in ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ I'm glad, because I think if a fellow can do one or two seasons in Shakespere’s plays he can get a big enough reputation to go into melodrama.” “YES, IKY GOLDBUG, YoU CAN BUY CANDY AND FLOWERS, BUT SHE PREFERS MER LITTLE JOHNNY FIREFLY TO TAKE HER HOME IN THE DARK.” comicbooks.com