Life — January 5, 1911 — page 67: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE: 67 The Great Benefits of Modern Astronomy Ladies and Gintlemin: Pursuant to the call of your society I appear before you this eve-in-in to illistrate and dim-in-strate sivril well-known astronomical and_philo- sophical facts. While attinding a very large and interisting Scientific Convintion in the West a ‘few weeks since—a variety of in- ing subjects were under discussion. Notice was given to all diligates in good standing that the remaining hours of the convintion would be devoted to the discussion of the recent te-ris-teal complexity—the transit of Vaynus. During the intermission it was discovered that of the five hundred diligates, four hundred and ninety-seven of them had special reports of obsirvations taken on the spot, and the reports were scattered all over the face of the earth, Upon the re-assimbling of the convintion it was de- cided by vote to extend the courti-sy of this honorable body to your humble servant, inasmuch as the foregoin’ rimarks had been so pirtinent an’ practical that my obsirva- tions of the Transit would no doubt be_ equally interisting. Whereupon, with front as bowld as Cezar Augustus or Mare I mounted the ros-trum, and after humbly ack-nowl-edg-in’ the great complimint, proceeded as fol- lows: “When speakin’ of Vay-nus,” sais I, “allow me to say that if her fut-howld on the pin-ik-el of fame be rake sacure, thin in-dade aire all the princi-pils of art grav-i-ta- tion overthrown an’ the long-legged spider that walks in anti-po-dean at-ti-tude ac-cross the dome of the Timple is grater than the livin’ god-ess who strides Ss penetra’ fia in the form an’ at-ti-tude of a human being.” Just at this moment a young fellow sticks a card in me hand from the chair riquistin’ me to confine mesilf to the subject. Where- upon I dives in me pocket and pulls out me original report of the Transit, and reads as follows: “The instrimints was put in pisition with glasses ad- jisted. I tuk a fotygraf of the hole affair one hour an’ fifty minits before day-lite; in order to akkomplish this ti-non-i-num, I arringed me me-rid-i-an transic-spiculum at the toime of the azi-muth—or, in other words, meal-toime. “The son was not one diameter over the shot-tower when the perihelion of Vaynus was seen straglin’ from out of the periphery of Adonis in a fragrant and flamboyant attitude of 5° 2° close contact with the Son’s convex, there- by causing the electric belt crossing the zenith's arc to shoot forth invisible pyrotechnics, equaling the meteorics—this, at ninety-five seconds behind the time of its internal con- dex. The atmosphers of Vaynus at this toime was un- savory, owing to the divirsified conflicts of the corona spec- trum. t the sicond contact through the periosteum Adonis gives the young Maiden a hearty shove with atmosfere more bracing, and the Son 42° 2’ in the attitudinum, by actual misurment of perameter, fotygrafed on the spot, which disclosed the Son’s limbs more attitudinas than in the first concave. This obsirvation more than satis- factory. During these meanderings the first group of six fotygrafs were exposed to the crowds below, giving the well-defined outlines of Vaynus, showin’ her weak spots, metaforically speakin’. Soon after Vaynus had advanced smilin’ one diameter in its body towards the Son. The foty- grafs were again exposed in groops of eight minits to six times, and no hitch in the whole series. While this work was in progriss the micro-meter measures were strayin’ round among the polar and equatorial di-a-metrix of the Maiden, with a double imaged ne-ro-mancer ; and again, in the equatorial transit instrument, the after-dinner or post- meridian transit of the first or left wing of the Maiden, and the right limb of the Son convexed into a juxtaposi- tion of scientific obsirvations at three and three-quarters degrees of Son’s meridian. Fotygrafs of the diametric positions being taken by our artist sixty-three minits before the first lunar hour of obsirvation, resultin’ in a succession of fi-nominal fotgratic pictures two millioh and sixteen double back action solar engravin’s distributed among the crowd as a Mementim Gratium, So-lar-num Vay-ne-um. “When micro-metric measurement was duly computed (Equis Dis-tan-cio) the limbs of the Maiden plan-at-ium and the limbs of the Son in 2 5-10 degrees of its tranquil orbit, discovery was made that in the third contact had slightly disfigured the internal composition of the Son's. precision, as regards powers of composatory prescience and its effect upon the Pen-um-bra and our future solar and planetar, tem; the limbs of the Maiden and Son be- ing remarkably lacerated and underfined after such con- tact. The Maiden’ 's disk, being beyond the Son’s periphery, EUROPEAN EQUILIBRIUM —From “ Honore Daumier,” by E. L. Cary. Copyright. 1907, by G. P. Putnam’s Sons. comicbooks.com