Life, 1910-10-06 · page 17 of 60
Life — October 6, 1910 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two unrelated pieces of satirical humor typical of early 20th-century Life magazine. **"Silas's Sister-Shifting Schemes"** is a comedic story told almost entirely in alliteration (words beginning with 'S'). It describes a love triangle: Susan's sister Sarah manipulates Silas (Susan's sweetheart) by claiming Susan is ill and needs care. While Sarah recovers Susan's health through a surgeon, she secretly courts Silas, hoping to marry him for financial security. When Susan discovers them together, she demands Silas choose. He ultimately picks Susan, and Sarah is rejected—a comeuppance for her scheming. The joke relies on the virtuosic linguistic constraint of the alliteration rather than sophisticated satire. **"Definition of an Intelligence Office"** offers a brief barb: an intelligence office supposedly exists to place domestic servants, but is actually surrounded by their mistresses—implying the office primarily serves wealthy women seeking household help. **"Questions for 'The Colonel'"** references an unidentified public figure, asking whether he considers himself Abraham Lincoln's equal or was merely making excuses for poor behavior. Without more context, the specific target remains unclear.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Silas’s Sister-Shifting Schemes S USAN'S sister Sarah sends Susan's sweetheart Silas scrib. bled scrawl, saying “Susan scarcely survived summer, suffered severely, strength slowly subsiding. Sudden start southward, surgeon suggesting, sister supporting. Celebrated surgeon successful, Susan somewhat stronger.”” Silas sits silent, sad; soon sends Susan soothing sentiments Sarah's sojourn short. Susan stays solitary, seems strength ened, still, surgeons surmise cemetery sure sequel Silas studies situation, soliloquizes: “ Shall ship sweet heart, Susan similarly sick several seasons, Sorry, still sur scons surely swallow Silas’s small stipend, surplus savings. Sarah, smart schoolma’am, secures sizable salary, saves syste- matically. Silas seeks Sarah sedulously, spoons some, suggests subse- cnt spousal ceremony. Sarah shares Silas’s sentiments, simipers, says: “ Sure, Silas." Susan surprises surgeons, soon starts, speeds safely, sights sation, secures sleigh, seeks Sarah silently. Stops, suspicious Sees Silas sitting snugly, surrounding Sarah's sweater! Scene! Sneaking Silas!" shricks Susan.“ Scheming Sarah! serving surpassing several stupendous salaries. (Sometime suitor sud denly ceased surviving, sent Susan Sarah, sobbing, stammers senseless speeches, soon sceks ster so shabbily See!" She ws shares, stocks. ieney !) seclusion, sorrowing sorely Silas sagaciously surmounts situation, censures Sarah, sug gests sacrificing Sarah, splicing Susan Susan, sarcastic, scorns suggestion. solicits Silas’s sequestration as swiftly segregates, iently stung Sic semper such! Camitta J Defuaition of an Intelligence Office A smatt. body of women entirely surrounded by mistresses. Questions for “ The Colonel ™ D° S he think he belongs in the same class with Abraham Lincoln? Or was he trying to excuse himsclf for a had break?