Life — October 7, 1909 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ge ey First Caterpillar: GREAT HEAVENS, OLD MAN! WHAT'S THE MATTER? MATTER! WHY, THE BARBER WAS ABSENT-MINDED AND TOOK Second Caterpillar FOR A FRENCH POODLE. At Last! Here Isthe One, Only and Incontestable Story of How I Discovered the Pole. NOT BY WALTER WELLMAN, ET me first state what the pole is. It is where the meridians mect or separate, ac- cording to whether you are go- ing north or coming back Very well, then. 1 left the cighty-seventh parallel at a point about two inches on the map from Greenland's icy mountains (see hymnal). Then I dashed north T had reduced my equipment to the utmost. I had with me only two dogs, three cats, a par- rot, a fine pair of pemmican, a package of missionary tracts for the Eskimos and four loads of coal. 1 found, however, that I did not need the latter, as I could keep warm by Christian Science With indomitable spirit, terrible tenacity and wonderful courage I pushed north. I pushed so hard that I bent several parallels beyond repair. I didn't dare to go to sleep lest I 473 would not awake to tell the tale, because I have found that Christian Science does not work while you sleep. On, on, on! Just one succession of ons after another. I could fill a book with them, One horizon after another came and went with startling rapidity. No place but in the Arctics did I ever see such a monotonous and never-ceasing procession of horizons. It put me strongly in mind of the annual police parade in New York and Bryan's speeches. At the cighty-eighth parallel I com- menced to dash in real earnest. Before that I was just dotting. If I should speak at length of each individual dash, or even attempt 10 catalogue them, it would ex- haust every printing house in the country of dashes. And the glare! Oh, the glare! Every few dashes 1 cursed my valet for not putting in the smoked glasses. Finally I perceived, dimly discernible, a horizon which had a different aspect from the others. When I first saw it, it was no larger than a man’s hand On I dashed. Suddenly my left snow- shoe came into almost inextricable con- tact with an obstacle. I could not move. Making a hasty examination I saw that I was caught between two meridians which were just about to join each other. “ Must be nearing the pole,’’ I thought, as I congratulated myself upon the fact that in school I always stood high in geography. I went a few steps further and the whistles began to blow. I pulled out my watch. It was ninety o'clock “The pole at last!’’ I signalled in reply to the waiting throng. I did not lose my presence of mind, but immediately picked up the meridian that connected with Greenwich and pulled it in violent exultation, as had been so carefully agreed upon before my departure Of course I supposed that the news would be immediately flashed around the world without waiting for my return. You can therefore imagine my surprise, not to say un- speakable disgust, at finding, upon my return, that just because I signalled on April 1, the operator at Greenwich thought I was fooling! Nevertheless, April 1 must ever remain the date of the first discovery of the pole. Half Portions RUST your dog till the end, a woman—till the first op- portunity,” says an old proverb. And trust a man till he is elected to office HE reason editors insist upon happy endings in fiction is hecause there are so few of them in real life. EW Thought is a body of no-matter entirely surrounded by what’s-the-use comicbooks.com