Life — June 3, 1909 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SSAUT SCISSORS ) Aut NULLUS A Home Thrust Years ago Mark Twain, who has recently cele- brated his 72d birthday, used to be fond of tell- ing this story: At the dinner table one day there was a party of guests, for whom Mark was doing his best in the way of entertaining. A lady turned to the daughter of the humorist, then a little girl, and said: “Your father is a very funny man.” ‘Yes,’ responded the child, “when we have company.""—Philadelphia Rec- ord. Mrs. Gramercy: If you want a nice hall rug why don’t you get one of those tiger skins with the real head on it? . Mrs. Gaynoy: I never could use one of those things in my hall. You don't know how im- aginative my husband is every time he comes home late—Brooklyn Life. To justify his repeated use of the same wit- ticism, as noted in three of his plays, J. M. Barrie says: “We Scots abhor waste. Did you never hear of the aged Saunders Carlyle, who always drank off his whiskey to the last drop the instant it was poured out for him? “‘Why do you drink down your liquor in that quick, greedy way?’ a stranger said to Saunders in a reproachful tone. “*T once had one knocked over,’ the old man explained.” —Argonaut. If I May Say So 1911: Say, freshman, don’t you know about the freshmen “don'ts? ’” 1912: No, sir; but I know about the freshmen dues.—Yale Record. “THE DRUGGIST SAID IT WAS GOOD FOR CROW’S- Feer.’” Washington's Rebuke “Washington,” said a Senator, “was not cynic, yet he sometimes said things so wretc| edly true that they had a cynical note. T. rebuking a certain type of churchgoer, he o wrote : “The church's feasts and fasts are marvel- ously well kept up. The rich keep the fe and the poor the fasts.’"—Democratic Telegra: A Burst of Confidence An elderly farmer up in Maine lost his wife and his nephew was taking the old man back the empty farmhouse. “ Well,”” said tne old man, after a long silence, “ forty-six years. I suppose she was a good w to me. She was a good cook and a good house- keeper, and she kept me well redd up, but, do you know,” he added, “I never liked her."— Success. A Lavy employing a colored man asked him his c. “Mah name is Poe, ma’am.” “Poe? Perhaps some of your family worked for Edgar Allan Poe.” The darky's eyes opened wide with great sur- pri “Why—" he gasped, pointing a dusky fore- finger to himself, “why Ah am Edgar Allan Poe !"—Everybod: Litte Heten: Sister, that new beau of yours makes me tired. Exper Stster: Why, dear? Lirtte Hetex: He has the manners of a street-car conductor. When I went into the parlor last night he said, “How old are you, little girl? "—Chicago Daily News. British Possessions. $5.00 a car Union. $1.08.a year: to Canada, S2 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents, Hack numbers, after three ear from date of publication, 25 cents. Live is for sale by all Ne fo contribution will be returned untess accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope, Lien does not hold ttzelf responsible for the loss or non return of unsolicited contributions. fealers in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Breams Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and ilding, Chancery Lane, London, ns. in ‘advance. Additional postage to foreign countries In the Postal ‘arbach’s News Exchanges, St. Georges, Pari ia Firenze, The text and ilinstrations in Lave are copyrighted. The text, may be mised. giving Liv credit; but the illustrations are not to be repri Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. England, Agents. Brentano’s, 37 Ave. de l’'Opera.Darir: Coveniry Street, Leicester Square, W. London: 9, Roe Mayence, Germany. Iuced without special permission obtained in ads BREWSTER @ CO. Broadway and 47th St. NEW YoOoRK DELAUNAY-BELLEVILLE CHASSIS The New Low-Powered 6-Cylinder Chassis Perfection for Town and Suburban Use PEERLESS CARS (By special arrangement with the Peerless Motor Car Co.) Fitted with Our Exclusive Coach Work BODIES FOR ANY CHASSIS REPAIRS TO BODY OR MOTOR comicbooks.com