Life — February 18, 1909 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PARENTAL PRIDE “Isy’T We Graxo!"* From a Forthcoming Novel P*c stricken, we saw that our lit- Mle airboat, in which we had en- pe from the wreck of pidly filling with at- deavored 10 esc the airship, was sphere, ail her out!" shouted Corkney. And all through the night we dipped the air with our hats and flung it back into the sky There was a little girl and she had a little curl Righ: And? w g00 ‘ : But when she was good she was horrid. in the middle of her forehead; she was bad she was ver Correspondence Sc I HOSE who are cgntemplating em- barking upon the sea of matrimony should communicate with us. We fit you for married life. All done through the mails. Lose no time. Even now you may be falling in love, and ready to be tied up without the slightest idea of what it means. Remember, you can learn right in your own home, All you have to do is to follow our plan. All questions cheer- fully answered. Send for booklet out- lining the course. Here are a few of the features: Furniture moving and how you can get out of it, One hundred different ways, each one practical. Special di- rections for first of M How to put yourself into bed without disturbing your wife. Methods of evad- ing curtain lectures. Sixty-two different entries. Also, minute instructions for the next morning. Going on vacations. How it can be done without exciting wife's suspicion. Special instructions with regard to fish- ing trips Keeping a wife on an allowance. Why it has always failed before. Easy, if you know how. Note: This is our own patent, and will cost one hundred dol- lars extra. (If it doesn't work, money refunded). Methods of making it appear that you are always broke. This never fails to impress wife. Sure thing! How to eliminate a cosy corner. How to keep your wife from straightening out your desk. How to train her into letting you buy your own neckties. Have you tendencies? By our methods you can have all the fun, you want in Wall street, on the curb or playing poker and the races, and your wife will not care. Infallible! List of Endearing Terms, to be used in special emergencies. Every situation carefully considered. Are you an old husband, and do you have a tender feeling in your heart for gambling hool for Husbands young and beautiful girls of seventeen? Does your wife make your life miserable on this account? We can make it easier for both of you. This alone is worth the price of the whole course. Scenes, and how they can be avoided. A complete description of every scene that ever takes place between husband and wife, with minute instructions with regard to each. How you can always come out with honor, and a minimum expense afterward in the way of presents. Treatment of wife's relatives. This important part of our instructive method can only be tried to be appreciated. After learning it, you will be surprised how much respect you can inspire even from this source. How to get out of discharging serv- ants. Many husbands are naturally timid, and shrink from coming into con- tact with the unrefined kitchen element. This shows you how to make your wife do it every time. Burglars! Seventy-seven ways of ap- pearing to be a hero Please note that these are only a few of some of our most important features. Here are testimonials: Dear sirs: Your course is wonderful! From a timid, shrinking thing, afraid to go out after dark, I have become a gay Lothario, and my dear one trembles at the sound of ‘my voice. Dear benefactor: . Nothing can reveal the extent of my grati- ‘As an example of my power, I will t month T had all the hand-nmade ¢ moved out of the house, my own on put in place, and the entire interior decorated, without my wife saying a word, Honored fri T have tal didn’t present wife's relatives, and. they Need I say more? Dear sir Send me by mail arother box of endear- ing ter Life here in Salt Lake is strenu ous, by ks to you, 1 am fairly comfort- able tude. nds: ‘a your course, and this year T a Christmas present io my honor me for it Write to-day. Remember, your whole future happiness depends upon it Hesnaxps’ Conaesroxprxce Scnoot, : (Untimiten). comicbooks.com