Life — January 7, 1909 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE. club window was crowded as young Chester came up. As for him, he took it all in good part, sauntering up the front steps as if he had left nothing unusual behind him. He was greeted with a medley of yells and groans. “Where did you get the junk?” “Are you going to enter it in the Vander- bil race?" “That must have been the first’ one made," and similar obser- vations were thrown at him {rom all sides. It was indeed an extraordinary sight. And to think that Chester—who prided himself on the perfection of his equip- ment, no matter what it was—should have descended to this level! It was inexplicable. Heretofore, no spot ob- scured the brillianey of the brass work on Chester's superb six-cylinder. And its modest dark green body was unsul- lied by streak or stain. And yet Chester, without any doubt, had just gotten out of the measliest, dingiest, most tumble-down, ancient apol- ogy for a motor car that ever stood up on four tires. The radiator in front was all bent in. Bunches of horse hair stuck out of the leather cushions. The door that opened into the rear entrance was tied with a heavy cord. Only patches of paint remained here and there, while the whole misera ir was hunched up, decrepit, palsied, and apparently stricken with every disease that a motor ear body can have. Chester smiled and waved his hand lovingly in the direction of the ancient thing. “Don't laugh, boys.” he said. “1 want to say that that little car is the greatest thing that ever happened. Noth- ing like it anywhere on earth. Let me tell you about it.” He sank down in a chair, surrounded by a sympathetic crowd. “Wouldn't you better order up a hot- tle of something,"’ said Billy Smith, “to celebrate your ownership?" “Cheerfully. How many of you have heard of Touter?”” “You mean,” said Billy, “that chap who lives up your way; the fellow who has been arrested so many times for overspeeding ? "” “The same,” “What's that to do thing?” “A great deal with—that You probably know, -LIFE- Dust Unto Dust if you have ever run across Touter, what his favorite trick is. “I know,” broke in Jake Scott; “he's one of those fiends who, when he comes up with you on the road just pushes him- self ahead until he gets right in front of you, and then hangs there and lets you take all of his dust. The worst of it is that he has such a fast car that you can't catch him."" At this moment Major Whipple came into the room. “ Boys!" he exclaimed, “did I hee someone mention that fellow, that in- fernal nuisance, Touter? He ought be mobbed. He ought to be shot down in cold blood. There are a good many like him, but he is the most pronounced case of a road-hog that I ever saw. Why, the other day, as I was coming down from Buffalo with a party of la- dies, he came up behind and deliberately pushed himself ahead of me, just far we were suffocated for nearly thirty miles. He wouldn't leave us, and he wouldn't let us go ahead. Gentlemen, if it was thirty years ago a man would be called out for that. I teil you, we are living in a degenerate age. Hello there, Chester, haven't seen you for a week. Where have you been?” “ Been on a trip across the continent,”” laughed Billy Smith. “ Notice his car in front?) Great stuff, ch, Major?” “You don’t to say—" the Major. Chester nodded. “Sit down, Major," he want to tell you about Touter. heen with Touter for the last That's why I haven't been here.” “Been with Touter?’? was chorused from all sides. Yes. Let me tell you about it. Li ing near Touter, as I do, I've been bothered with him for some time. It isn’t very pleasant, especially when you enough so that mean said said. “T I've week. have ladies, to have the dust needlessly thrown into your face by a bounder like that, the kind ‘of achap that brings decent auto- mobiling into such disgrace. [ really believe that the habit grew on him. He saw that it an- noyed others, and he got so that he couldn't get along without it. When- ever he saw a car filled with quiet, respectable peo- ple, he would take his place in front of it, and just hang on. Lots of ‘em do it, of course. As the Major says, they ought to be shot. But Touter had the habit worse than any one I ever saw. Well, boys, I've been with Touter for a week. I've been having all kinds of fun with Touter."” “Is that car outside the net result? asked Billy Smith. “No, sir; that car is the cause. [ couldn't catch Touter in my other car. He was too fast for me. So I got this one. You sce, there was a four cylinder 120 engine around in the garage—one that they brought over from France to try out in Florida, and they lent it to me. We put it inside of that old body you see out there. We had trouble in getting the body onto it, and fixing up a direct drive that would work, to say nothing of the circulation. But the boys, when they heard what I was going to use it for, stayed up nights and got going. Does it go? Well, rather! Why, Major, the wind whistles through it like an Aeolian harp in a hurricane. The Major leaned forward. “And you met Touter, did you?” he asked. “Yes, sir; 1 met and in the classic words of a distinguished member of your profession, ‘Touter was mine.’ I started in to do the job last Monday. I laid for Touter about a mile beyond his place, as I knew he always went into town that day. I kept opening and shut- ting the muffler, you know, just to con- vey the impression that my insides were a trifle mixed. And then Tonter whizzed by. Of course he didn’t look at me twice. He merely gave me a passing glance, about the same that an elephant would give a grasshopper, and shot ahead. I was too small game for him. He was looking for a nice, quiet, gentle touring car, with ladies in it. Well, then, I began to jack my little old outfit up a little. Pretty soon, when I had al- caught up, I blew my horn. I had him, comicbooks.com