Life — July 16, 1908 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ER RES M erties. brorbs lexion regu takin ed up. -LIFE’S Matrimonial Contest To Our READERS: This is the final installment of contributions. judges will award the prizes. The‘announcement of the prize winners will be made in next week's Lire. Puease Nore—On account of the great number of contributions received, it will be impossible to return the rejected manuscripts, Men ‘The Editor (by folly led) Hasasked me “which I'd like to wed?” The question in my case would be Just which of them would marry me? No. 1, 2,3,40F 5 T’'m plain, plump, e'en forty, so what's it to me What kind of a husband you offer? I'd be Alll ready and waiting. for weal or for woe, T'd thank you for either—be'd suit me, I know. No. 2 Gladly I'd let the whole world know ‘That I'll forget my long-nursed woe; ‘Through Lire we'll reunited be— For one of those three girls was m No. [ok ‘Look out for Number One! He's mine! — Good spirits drown all woe To coffee grounds I most incline. Till settle them, you know. No. 2 Though you're fiity, you're not thirty, and youth's the stuff ap- peals to me. ‘Though you're lazy, income hazy, just my sort you seem to be. Not too meatal, temper gentle—that has my affections led, T'm cranky, poor and lanky, fifty-six and not yet wed. No. 1 ‘ To Lively Wit" I quite inchne, ‘And though ‘at home you'll seldom be," “ Amusing talker,” pray be mine; ‘And “boldly speculate” for me. ayes From One to Five, with all I'll wed By each in turn to Hymen led, Wit, wealth and gaicty be mine, Divorce will free, when I incline. No. « Society girl or actress, “es mach nichts aus’ to me, Eat meals in bed, stand on your head, get nervous as can be. Dowry light? That's all right, it causes me no woe. I want you, just because —, also —, you know. No. 3 Thy “rocks” have many charms for me; Prospecting on the steep incline Of Lire’s Divide, my task shall be To stake a claim and work the mine. No. t Apoplectic uncles linger longer when they know ‘Vhat their nieces are anticipating gladness out of woe. So conceal your inward feelings, in your “bridge match which is led, So be cannot trump your aces, I'll play dummy ‘till we're wed. No. s ‘Though late in line, you still shalt be First favorite in this heart of mine. In fact, I very much incline To bope you win Lrrt’s race for me Nos, 1-2-3-4-5 "One"? 1 love, “Two” I love, Three"? I love, I know; “Four"" I'd wed with all my heart, and “ Five’” for weal or woe! You see, I cannot choose, my dears; to each girl I incline. Come out to Salt Lake City, then, and every one be mine! No. 3 Sweet widow, don’t consider me By sordid motives led. Were you ten times as rich, I'd be Ten times as glad to wed. From these, together with those already printed, the | No. t If by your wit and humor led, I might consent with you to wed, My happiness and joy would be Your absences from home and me. No. I'd like to ask you to wed me; But to wed isa risk, I know. But by your side I'd happy be; So, I'll take you, for weal or woe. No. 2 Engaged to three—what's that to me? If you'll to me be wed. Tl take you, sir, for weal or woe, A happy pair we'll be, I know No. 5 Ot Mr. Sport, your face looks good to me, My thoughts to you incline. And when the contest's o'er may be T'll ask you to be mine. No.2 If Mary’s Lamb you'd like to be, By Cupid's halter led, Aloafing husband just suits me— T'll work for two when wed No.t A lively wit, it seems to me, A lubricant would be. So, though no stay-at-home mine, To coffee and repartee I incline. No. 2 ‘What you don't know Will bring no woe, So by Number Two led T'll this negative wed. ‘The warm-hearted maid, if she isn't afraid by my wisdom and will to be led. When untidy or slow she'll be’ punished, you know, and she'll learn what a wife ought to be. ‘She'll be handy to rap, or even to slap, when anything irritates me. No. t Pray high, play high, bridge-it with me; Linger, O finger, ring <ligit be. Uncle, your trunk'll closet our woe. High ranks thy bank's deposit, I know. No. 1 Hail, Number One, I salute you. Also I salute Lire and the | ‘soul of things as they are, the periodical, the newspaper, the joke, the pun, the ten-cent magazines and all second-class mail matter, But let bet!! ‘You, Number One, you first and last I sing, you bridge-mad, you church-mad, you foe of the open pulpit. I sing your jeweled neck, your wonderfully coiffured hair. I sing your long, thin fingers, deft with the cards, your arms, your feet and your other members which are represented in Live's Picture Gallery. All these are sung by me. Also I sing your uncle, rich, apoplectic, red-faced, fat, with large, red nose. I sing his huge, red nose, I sing his corporation, but most of all I sing his riches and his apoplexy. I sing your uncle, fit candidate for death's incline. And so I sing you, you, niece of the uncle, the rich uncle, the apoplectic uncle; you Bridge-mad, you church-mad, but withal youamiable. I hail you, I salute you, I bespeak you for mine. . 8 You write capital A by striking this key You write smalla bystriking thiskey You do not need to strike two keys to write any one of the 84 charac- ters on the simple, straight-line key- board of the easily operated Write us about this THE SMITH PREMIER TYPEWRITERCO. Syracuse, N. Y.—Branches Everywhere comicbooks.com