Life — April 2, 1908 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Hit of the Show rE TURNED them away up in Buffalo We stood them up nightly at Troy: Sometody's hit, mind you, pulled them all in, ‘And I was the Candy Boy! Our fat leading lady was on the friz; The heavy, a piteous ham; The juvenile man, a piece of Brie cheese; ‘The soubrette, a placid clam, When J came on first, though, in L. U. E., And sizode up U. C. in the Spot, All over the house you could hear them fall! Nothing but me in the plot! Of course they were jealous, those other shines, But they'll bill me next year—you'll see! For Frohman sat through in a box one night, And Frohman was watching—me. 1¢ wasn't so much what I said that took, Though I read all my lines quite well; 1t was how I walked and the way I stood— ‘The natural things that tell. The lines, as I say, were not fat at al “Twas the way that I made them mine: “The carriage is ready, sir""—that was one, And “Yes, sir."* my other line. —Munsey's. The School Boy Brain of the most substantial and genuine of de- lights for those of humorous appreciation con- sits in a study of the answers made by schoolgirls | ¢ and schoolboys in examination papers. A writer in the current Harper's Weekly has collected a new batch of these, of which the following specimens are among the choicest: “Blood consists of two sorts of cork-screws—red cork-screws and white cork-screw: Asked to explain what a buttress is, one boy re- : “A woman who makes butter.” One pupil defined primate as “the wife of a Prime Minister.” “Gravity was discovered by Isaac Walton, It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling from the trees.”” To the question, “What is a limited monarchy?” inswered was returned: limited monarchy is government by a king sho, in case of bankruptcy, would not be responsi- ble for the entire national debt. You have the same thing in private life in limited liability companies.” His Proposal of Marriage “NR. SPUDLONG,” began the youth, hanging his hat on the back of the chair, “I will eccupy only a few moments of your time. I have come to ask you for your daughter. I” —— “Young man,” said the elderly banker, “do you “Yes, sir; I fully realize that she has been tenderly nurtured and that she is very dear to you; also, that her home is one in which she has been surrounded by every luxury, but she is willing to leave it.” “Can you”—— “No, sir; I can’t quite maintain her in the style towhich she has been accustomed, but I have a good salary, and I am ready to chance it. So is she.” “Will you” “Yes, sir; I will keep my life insured for a sum ient to provide for her if I should be taken “Would you”— “No, sir; I would not expect to live with the Tam able to buy and furnish a modest home “Young man,” said Mr. Spudlong, looking at his Watch, “T rather like your style. You can have her. Good “Moming, sir."—Exchange. SAFETY AUTOMATIC REVOLVER We point to the difference between the posi- tively and absolutely safe Iver Johnson Safety Automatic Revolver and the imitation near-safe- ties. They have some device added fo them to make them near-safe. The safety feature of the Iver Johnson Safety is the firing mechanism itself—not some spring or button device to pull or press, That is why you can, in perfect safety—nof near-safety—kick it, cuff it, knock it, of HAMMER THE HAMMER “SHOTS.” our bookict, tell all about it in a plain, simple way, to pou can't go astray on the SAFE revolver question. Send for it-PREE, Iver Johnson Satety Hammer Revolver Richly nickeled, 22 calibre rim-fire or 32 calibre centersfire, $f (Extra length barrel or bloed s-inch barrel, or'38 calibre center-fre, 34-inch barrel, = + > finish at slight extra cost) Iver Johnson Safety Hammeriess Revolver Richly nickeled, 32 calibre center-fire, 3-inch barrel, or 38 $F (Extra length barrel or blued calibre center-fire, 38-inch barrel, finish at slight extra cost) Sold by Hardware and Sporting Goods dealers everywhere, or sent prepaid on receipt of price if dealer will not supply. Look for the owl’s head on grip and our name on barrel. IVER JOHNSON'S ARMS & CYCLE WORKS, 186 River Street, Fitchburg, Mass. New Vork : og Chambers Street, San Francisco: Phil. B. Bekeart Co., 717 Market St. Hamburg, Germany: Pickhuben 4. London, England: 13 Cullum Street, E.C. Iver Johnson Single Barre! Shotguns and Truss Bridge Bicycles Strong’s Arnica Tooth Soap tiseptic, preserves while it beautifies—sweet- oa the Ereath hardens the gume— wi the teeth—A leading dentifrice for « THIRD OF A CENTURY wectal peckage {mest convenient for travel or the home No laguid or powder to soll or wane 25c—at All Druggists. Sursrua’s ARCADIA MIXTURE In each pound there are three to four hundred pipefuls—it costs $2.00 per pound — three-quarters of acent a pipe. If you smoke five pipes a day than four cents—five hours of ple: four cents—certainly ARCADIA is cheap enough for you to smoke. fi SEND 10 CENTS [oie Tas2o Niet CHICAGO, U.S.A. THE SURBRUG CO., 132 Reade St., New York | COLLVER TOURS AWAY - FROM -THE-USUAL ) Japan, Trans-Siberia ae dge Pad and Humorously illustrated by Life's Artists ROUND THE WORLD and lithographed in ten colors on “ Rad- Bridge” three-rubber form. Copyright EUROPE Life Pub. Co. and “Rad-Bridge” regis- tration. 35 cents; 3 for $1.00. Send postal for illustrated catalogue BY MOTOR CAR and TRAIN DE LUXE Of all, dole sent direct, postpaid, on receipt of price. 29° RADCLIFFE & CO. Berkeley Building, Boston NEW YORK, 144 Pearl St., and LONDON, E. C. comicbooks:com