Life, 1908-01-23 · page 5 of 20
Life — January 23, 1908 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This political cartoon satirizes President Theodore Roosevelt's naval policies and personnel appointments during the early 1900s. The top cartoon shows Roosevelt's friend, a doctor, being appointed to command a naval vessel—a clear jab at nepotism and unqualified appointments in the military hierarchy. The text below documents comedic naval orders and complaints from various ship captains protesting absurd directives and operational disruptions. The satire mocks Roosevelt's intervention in naval affairs, suggesting his appointments and commands were impractical and undermined military professionalism. The title "The Improved Navy" is ironic, implying Roosevelt's reforms actually worsened naval operations through political favoritism rather than merit-based advancement.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE IMPROVED NAVY ADMIRAL, WILL HENCEFORTH BE COMMANDED BY MY PERSONAL FRIEND HERE, THE DOCTOR” “ONE OF YOUR sulPs, eT AICNARG| ANNener The Event T FIVE o'clock in the morning the Japanese fleet was two points on the starboard bow. In accordance with an order issued by the President, all of our battleships had been given - more appropriate titles than those of the some of which are filled =~ with rank socialists, unbelievers and nature fakers, and ought never to have anything named after them. Rear Admiral Ri ky, M.D., having been hastily called by the trained nurse in charge during his absence, hurried to the quarterdeck of his good flagship Appendicitis and gave the order to clear for action. “Notify all the war correspondents,” he exclaimed, “giving them to time to dress, of course, and throw overboard whatever available material there may be, in order, if possible, to bring the armor belt within hail of the waterline. Give everybody an extra supply of towels, and inform all the line officers and commanders that if necessary they may be called upon. Also sterilize the dog watch, call all hands aft to pasteurize the main- brace, remove the cook’s tonsils, take the boatswain’s tempera- ture and nail it to the masthead and put a gauze health-band on the headwaiter. Nothing must happen to him, anyway.” At this moment the battleship Soapsuds, commanded by Rear Laundryman Ringer, wigwagged: “My dear Admiral, I can’t go into action to-day. You seem to forget this is wash-day.” Admiral Probe, mortified by his own omission and deter- mined not to show any chagrin, replied pleasantly: “Certainly not. You are excused for the day. And please remember not to put so much starch in our shirts. The Herald correspondent says he has been thoroughly uncom- fortable since you took command. Remember, we must please the press.” Next to hear from was Captain Puller (D.D.S.), of the battleship Forceps: “Can’t possibly meet your wishes,” he signalled. “My dentists have made appointments all through the day, and there’s no telling when we'll have another such fine day as this. You might better lose a battleship or so than to have us charge for our time.” Admiral Rickyticky, concealing once again his chagrin, but compelled, of course, by professional etiquette to yield grace- fully, replied: “Very well, doctor. Lower your chairs below the far rail and drop out. In case your supply of amalgam fillings runs out, send a wireless to Commissary Department, Washing- ton.” Regrets were also sent in by the following: From the Haberdasher, commanded by Captain Ascot: “Nothing doing to-day, on account of important sale of underwear.” From the Tonsorial, Captain Hone: “Tribune correspondent says he has been standing in line for a week waiting to be shaved. Wouldn’t do to offend powerful Administration organ. Count us out.” From the Mortal Mind, Captain Claim: “This is the day set aside to read Mother's hymns. We'll