Life — July 11, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Roy iret Pia\ ? He barely escaped which had been erected by several hundred people killed. ed some tem: porary confusion, until it was ascertained that no one of any consequence was hurt. In the evening there were fireworks, furnished by the Fire- works Trust. Altogether the celebration was a grand success, the only thing that marred in any way the serenity of the occasion being that once during the some unknown caterer at- tempted to serve ham sandwiches. He barely escaped with his life. A Page from the Diary of Little Willyum Taft ONDAY—This is a hard world. Weighed myself when I got up this morning and found I had gained six pounds. Must ask Theodore what to do. He tells me everything. Am worried about little Jocy Foraker. He comes to pick apples in my yard and Theodore won't let me go out to see about it. He explains it by saying that it is too early—if I should go out now there might bea reaction. Theodore is against reactions and reactionari Note: Reactionaries are all thin; shall I mention this to Theodore ‘Turspay—Saw Theodore. Told him I had gained six pounds and asked him what to do about it. Told me to ask Loeb. Showed me a sccret report from Jimmie Reynolds, who says I am the beef trust. Wish Theodore would let me run myself. Wepxespay—Reported to Theodore to ask him what to say and think and do. He was having a Cabinet meeting. Just as I came in he pointed to the end of the table, and said: “You stand there, George.” ‘There weren’t any more chairs, / told me I'd begin to lose pretty soon. so I said, “Where do I stand?” Theodore got very angry and said I was a conspir- acy. Wonder what he meant. Anyway he threatened to take away his Mantle that he has been letting me wear when no one was looking so that I could get used to it. He said he knew a good little boy named Charley Hughes and he was going to let him wear it, perhaps, Poor Charley! ‘THurspay—Weighed again. Gained three pounds more. Asked Theodore what to do. He told me to ask Loeb. Loeb Said Theodore might give me a lemon to cause me to lose weight. Went to the library without asking Theodore and found that citrus fruits are good for my trouble. Perhaps Theodore will give me the lemon soon, Fripay—Very bad day to-day. Senate is to investigate report that Iam the beef trust. ‘Theodore says he is going to regulate my name. I must change it to Theodore Roosevelt Taft. Later I can drop the Taft. ‘He said, “It is my policy.” Asked him why. Told me to ask Loeb. Went to ask Loeb. Found him practising on a musical instrument that looked like a harp. Asked him if it was a lyre. He said not yet, but soon— Theodore. Went back to Theodore and said something about one Loeb of his brain being out of order. More cries of conspiracy. More trouble. Tried to escape through the window. Got stuck. I always seem to get stuck when Theodore is around. Saturpay—This being Saturday asked Theodore if I might go and play with Jocy Foraker. ‘Theodore grew very angry and said that I had been thinking. Says no one who thinks can wear his Mantle. ‘Told me to go and play with my little brown brother, and after that to visit South America, Mars and Australia. Told me not to stand on the edge of a small island like Australia, as it might tip over. Is that a joke? Asked him why I couldn’t go and tip over Ohio then. Said it was not his policy. What is a policy anyhow? Glad to- morrow is Sunday. Sunpav—Not so glad. Awful day. Theodore has taken away his Mantle and the Little Stick that he had given me until I could have a Big one. Said I could not have them again. ked him why, Told metoask Loeb. Asked Loeb. Loeb said I had gotten the lemon. ‘Told me Theodore had decided I might think too much and that the Mantle would not fit me and that the Big Stick was too heavy for me. Loeb said Theodore is a genius. Asked him why. He said Theodore has just had a Dummy built which could hold the Big Stick and wear the Mantle. There is to be a phonograph inside and it will say, “Dee-lighted” and “Unqualified false- hood.” It will not think. It does not need to. Theodore will do all the thinking. Asked Loeb how it would work. He said by strings. Asked who would pull the strings and he said the People would. Asked him who the People are. He said, “Theodore is the People.” It is a grand idea, but I feel sorry for the Dummy. It is full of wheels and when they go they make a noise like a third term. Went home to bed early. Weighed myself. Have lost one hundred and sixty pounds. Loeb is a great.man, for he said comicbooks.com