Life — January 10, 1907 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Danger of Cleverness T WAS toward the fag-end of the belated Sunday break fast— belated, for Tom had been mild- ly dissipating the night before— that his wife playfully accused him. ‘There was arch suspicion in Bessie’s pretty glance, as she said: “Tom, I founda long, beauti- ful hair, a blond hair, on your Tuxedo this morning.” Tom regarded her amiably. “‘Of course it must have been a blond hair,” he re- turned in a like tone of banter, “‘or you wouldn’t have noticed it.” “Well, what have you to say for your- self?”” she demanded. “Nothing, except that it’s fate, I sup- pose. Every woman will sooner or later find a strange hair on her husband's coat. It is something every woman should be educated to expect.” “Why, Tom!” He was speculating on the essential jealousy of woman, and as if she mis- interpreted his look of seriousness her round eyes surveyed him with something like a reality of Suspicion. “Why don’t you say something for yourself?” she persisted, half playfully, half petulantly. For no reason in the world he all at once felt foolish; whereat her look be- came the wider and it burned him to his discomfort. There was no way out of his self-consciousness except to laugh. So he laughed. But the laugh was not a suc- cess, and only served to deepen Bessie’s little frown. “If every woman should be educated to expect strange blond hairs,” said she, “then every.man ought to be prepared to explain them away.” “Very well. Some fellow may. have put it there for a joke.” “Rather a coarse joke, I she sniffed. “Or it might have been swimming through the atmosphere, through the in- finite void, and just happened to light there.” “Go on,” she insisted. “Dear me!” he exclaimed! “One could go on explaining all day. Think how many millions of loose hairs are cir- culating about the universe, and how many thousands of ways they might get on a fellew’s shoulder!” should say,” * DIPIE® - “But I’m interested in just that one hair,” she urged illogically, sipping her coffee. “Let’s see,” he reflected, pursuing his light tone. “It might have transferred itself from the hangings in the theatre box. It might have got there directly out of a woman’s head, and, you know, I be * lieve that’s the best explanation of all.” “Tom! What are you saying!” “Why not?” he replied evenly, “The aisle was very crowded as we came out of the theatre, and I dare say I passed dozens of blondes.” There was an audible sigh of relief from Bessie. Presently she added: “Well?” You seem determined to put me to a great deal of ingenuity,” he commented. “However” —— “I don’t just like that word ingenuity,” she interjected. “The hair might have got in my over- coat in the cloak-room at the club, or I might have picked it up in the cab com- ing home.” * Bessie arose and came around and sat on Tom’s knee. “Tom,” she said very uneasily, “I wish you weren’t so glib— so clever. I’d ask you for dozens more of those explanations if I weren’t afraid you could give them. I’m sorry I said anything about finding a hair.” He smiled, rather relieved. But her concern was almost tearful. “The truth is, Tom,” she continued, “that I didn’t find any hair on your coat. I was just funning—and I hate to think how easily you disposed of it. Just suppose there had been a hair on your shoulder! I can’t bear to think of it—you would have cleared yourself just the same.” “T suppose,” he deduced, “that truth ought never to be plausible. It ought to be homely and awkward so as to be dis- tinguished from a graceful falsehood.” And husbands oughtn’t to be clever, because cleverness is so like deception. How can a woman ever be sure that a clever husband isn’t all that cleverness is used to conceal?” For answer he gathered her tight in his ams. Lewis Benjamin Ely. ‘OL! ma ETTE (recently married): A is,called a ‘ Benedict” when he is married. What is a girl called under the same circumstances? A (also recently married): Well, it depends altogether on what she marries! 53 A Wail (or Wal) I CANNOT spell the old words now; . 1 know not what to dough; Perplext enuf by all the stough That I am wading thru. Perplext, indeed, to knough altho The roe of shad is not spelt rough, Woe should be wo and whoa be whoaugh? I do or dough not knough or no. O Wo! (Or wough!) Thrift HRIFT is an old-fash- ioned method of saving, employed by our grand- fathers, and bears about the same relation to the modem dollar-getting industry ‘that the spinning-wheel bears to a pair of silk hose. Let us abridge our mirth, however, for, crude and inad- equate as it would be to-day, we must remember that their wants were few and simple as compared with ours. Thrift has a plain, homespun sound and is too suggestive of rigorous morality and deferred autos to cause any fear that it will ever be revived as a popular vehicle of success. Walter W. Rice. JANUARY II ASTOR DANCES BEGIN AT HOTEL ASTOR JANUARY 12 HARVARD AND COLUMBIA HOCKEY GAME AT ST NICHOLAS RINK comicbooks.com