Life — December 6, 1906 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A New Baby's Proclamation ND now that I am safely here, And all the worry, fuss and stew Have given way to smile and cheer In my behalf, the thing to do I realize is to proclaim In my falsetto, lusty voice How happy I am to remain And with my folks and friends rejoice. My first concern, of course, has been My parents, and I’ve fretted much For fear that in selecting them I might have erred and chosen such As infants, sometimes carelessly, So often do, ahd then repent. A child should very cautious be It's business, more than sentiment ! My mother’s sweet and loving face, Her ever-thoughtful, ten! Convince me that in her, at least, T’ve shown much tact and caution rare; And as for Dad, I'll say the same. In fact, I'll bet my silver cup, My golden studs and all I claim To call my own, to back him up. ‘There's something in his jaunty air, A certain cut about his clothe The sporty way he parts his hair, ‘That's made a hit with me, and go And when he gr me with his smile And that sly twinkle in his eye, I feel that as a faithful child I'll sign the pledge to never cry. But just to show my dear old Dad, My mother and my sisters, too, That I'm a right and proper lad And can perform a stunt or two, A little thought has crossed my brain— The second one I’ve had since birth— Some night to simulate a pain And start the Greatest Show on Earth, With one wild whoop and righteous cheer Pll rend the stillness of the night. The family, then, from far and near Will stagger in with frigid fright. As Daddy, then, with frightened air, ‘Throws me athwart his starboard side, With my two mitts Pll clinch his hair As back and forth the room we glide. ‘Thus up and down the floor we'll go, Or dances a gavotte Then Mother, with the water bag nd other things called antidotes, up the rear, while I play tag With Daddy’s nose and crack my jokes. And now, I really must refrain From further talk, as Iam hoarse; Besides, there's creeping o'er my frame A tinge of colic and remorse— LASLG LIPE Ayaecese. ‘Two things of which I have a’dread. So, if it’s all the same to you, I'll gently rustle off to bed And bid you all a fond'adieu, Guy L. Baker. He Who Loseth His Head Shall Save It A 1Z. who regrets the defeat of Congressman Wadsworth com- mends him as the only man who did not lose his head over the Beef Trust investi- gation, But the consequence of his keeping his head at that time has been that he lost at the late election. It is a wise Congressman who knows when to lose his head. Appropriate Garments ‘OR a flea—a jumper. Grasshopper—leggins. Waterbug—hose. Woodpecker—cutaway. Cockroach—pumps Spider—suspende Cheer Up! ITTLE BOY: Why, there isn’t any- thing on this Christmas tree at all. CuristiAn Scrence Motuer: Have patience, Willic. We'll sit down and trim it mentally. Deferring It Mek¥: T hear that the Duke’s mar- riage to the rich Miss Passay has been postponed. Jane: Yes, I believe his creditors have granted him a little more time. ANOTHER LI NAILED comicbooks.com