Life — December 6, 1906 — page 35: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| THE TLasHt | | ' Mrrrttiitige orinaetteiie THEN THE SMOKE LuTS LIFE v& fi a 679 widow, but Ma said: “Cheer up, Pa, you only got six hundred more years of it.” Pa only said: ‘* How time flies.” To-day I walked home from school with Eve’s little granddaughter, Serpentina. She is just ten years younger than I be, which makes her sixty, but she don’t look it. She still wears short dresses and her golden hair hangs down her back. Year 987.—I now feel Iam old enough to look out for myself. Just celebrated my three hundred and first birthday this morning. I voted for Noah as head of the Department of Animal Industry and Commis- sioner of the Water Department. His habit of predicting rain grows upon him, so that he now carries an umbrella and a life preserver everywhere Old man Enoch came to me to-day and said he wanted to have a little confidential talk with me, so we sat on the banks of the Euphrates, id: ‘‘Methus, now you have been courting my daughter nearly ears and Ma and I begin to wonder if you really mean biz or just passing the time away. Serpentina will be 281 years old coming next wash-day, and we feel we hadn’t orter be supporting her more than another hundred years just to entertain you.” He said: “You see, Noah has offered her the job of sorting animals and getting the right two together, against the time he’s goin’ on the road with ’em.”” Well, I told him I'd been building me a hut for the last forty years, and the archi- tect promised it would be done eighteen years ago, but he had gone to his dinner and I had not seen him for three years. I told him I would run over home and shave and would be back in six months and then we would talk business. Year 1000.—Been down to the Euphrates to bathe; stayed under water four da: I can beat Noah by nine hours; first bath I’ve taken in twelve years. Am ‘going to marry Serpentina early the next century. My heart palpitates so I can scarcely write just at the thought of its close approach. Noah’ is going to stand up with me if it doesn’t rain, He tells me we can go with him on his voyage for our honeymoon, even if it does rain, ‘cause he wants another pair of cooing doves aboard. He promised that we could keep our wed- ding trousscau in the elephant’s trunk. Year 1487.—I am now a grandfather, They have just finished taking a census of my children and grandchildren. As near as we can count and estimate, there are 946 of them. Everybody says Noah has gone clean batty over the indications for the weather, predicts rain day in the year. He has covered three farms with a boat he calls the ark. Says if I don’t take some stock with him on the deal; I'll be sorry. Says I can have a rain-check if I don’t want to stay. Don’t believe he'll ever float it. ‘The bulls and bears are already fighting which’ll get in on the ground floor. Year 1587.—Feel awful lonesome. Every feller who was born any- where near me has been dead two hundred years. My descendants have been calling upon me all day for the last five years, and I have not seen half of them y Wouldn't know ’emifIdid. Guess I won't leave a will, ‘cause if they quarreled over it, there would be a revolution in Asia Minor. Have just sent out invitations to my funeral. wise to get in out of the rain, ’cause it is surely coming. The ark stock has not yet been floated. If I wasn’t so old I’d wait and sce him float his menagerie boat, but I guess I have got my money’ worth and won't wait for any side-shows. Serpentina says I must not die until she finishes telling me for the eight hundred thousandth ti: how her grandmother Eve was dressed when she and Adam were married. P. S.—As the oldest inhabitant in the village I feel that more respect should be accorded my opinions of Noah and his foolishness. De Witt C. Wilcox. Noah says Iv comicbooks.com