Life, 1906-12-06 · page 25 of 64
Life — December 6, 1906 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces mocking contemporary society: 1. **"The Millionaire's Bride"**: A verse mocking marriages of convenience, where a woman explicitly sings she's marrying "for pay"—critiquing the era's practice of wealthy men purchasing brides from poor families. 2. **"The Care of the Mind"**: A mock-medical advice column sarcastically suggesting minds need maintenance like objects—"aired," cleaned of "cobwebs," fed simple diets of people and travel. This likely satirizes the period's proliferation of patent medicines and pseudoscientific "mind cure" products marketed to the gullible. 3. **"Know Thyself"**: Two brief comedy sketches—one about an actress refusing stage tights, another where a child asks Santa for adult contraband rather than toys—poking fun at social hypocrisy and changing attitudes toward propriety. The overall tone targets commercialism, quackery, and class exploitation of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WadbARR LIFE GAGE a Mr, Fuzzbuzt: GEE! THIS 15 TERRIBLE. THERE'S THAT LOVELY MSS LONGLEGS UNDER THE MISTLETOE The Millionaire's Bride ‘OU must wake and call me carly, call me carly, mother dear, ‘To-morrow ‘Il be the happiest day of all the glad New Year, Of all the glad New Year, mother, the maddest, merriest day, For I'm to be married for pay, mother, I’m to be married for pay! The Care of the Mind HERE are on the market so many patent mind — renewers—almost always put up by quacks—that one cannot be too careful about using reme of this kind, un- less there is a strong probability of distinguishing them from the genuine article. The mind should be taken out and aired at regular intervals. ‘The sunlight should be allowed to stream through it. | If there are cobwebs in it, they can be brushed aside with some wild flowers. Some people leave their minds behind them wherever they go. Almost any 669 mind, if left by itself, grows weaker and weaker. On the other hand, it is possible to give your mind too much to do. Take your mind out for a walk every morning. Feed it on simple fare. A plain diet of people—carefully selected—trees, travel and talk is good for the mind. Also hard work. A good steady diet of hard work is the best one for every mind, If your mind is growing old, give it a tonic of enthusiasm three times a day. Some minds are always out of order. They take cold easily, are littered up with useless odds and ends, and are a burden. For such minds bonfires are recommended. Sweep up every- thing into a pile and consume it. The ashes sometimes make a good fertilizer. This is not much, but is the best that can be done with such material, In general, make a companion of your mind. ‘Treat it at times as if it were your equal, but n. xer let it get the best of you. Occasionally you may have to whi, 44 4 obedience, but don’t be too cruel to it, and don’t inflict it on others. It may be the best one in the world, but even the best mind is sometimes tiresome. Don’t lose it any more than necessary, and don’t let it take precedence over the heart. Always keep it in its place. A good specific to preserve tone is as follows: Nincequal parts of Reasonand Sentiment, and add humility, perseverance and discrimination, with a dash of extravagance. Stir in enough green things to add color to the whole and take when necessary. “Know Thyself” HE MANAGER: Have you any objections to appearing in tights? Tue APPLICANT (blushing): Yes, two, “WELL, JOUNNY, WHAT SHALL I TELL SANTA CLAUS TO BRING You?"" “OM, ‘MOST ANYTHING THAT ISN'T FIT TOR LITTLE BOYS TO HAVE WILL BE ALL eicuer.”” comicbooks.com