Life — September 15, 1904 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ BETWEEN TWO FIRES.” with everything, for it was the first The Particular Man. NCE there was a man who was very particular about the right girl to marry; so, accompanied by his private secretary to aid him in his choice, he naturally came to America, And after the private secretary had scurried about for awhile, he rounded up a lot of ladies in front of the wife hunter, and said ; “Here they are. All fine specimens of the American girl.” “What are their characteristics?’ asked the particular man, “Here,” said the private secretary, “is the girl who knows how to cook.” “*Humph !"' said the man, ‘she isn't much on looks." ‘Then here is a good-looker, but she isn’t very useful. She likes to dress well, and sit around and take it out in merry talk. ‘Put her aside for a moment. Ah, what have we here?"’ “This young woman is brainy. She 259 way to get one, but in a combination like this. So you go out and hire a special train, and we'll all leave for Salt Lake City to-night.” The Return. “ H, Clarence, darling, so you are home at last?" “Yes, my precious wife. And how de- liciously sweet it is to be here !"" “What ages it has been!" “Yes, dearest, hasn't it? I thought the time would never pass!"" “And what did you do with yourself all the long, long, cruel hours?" “hardly know. Just hoped they would go as quickly as possible so that I might get to my little wifie. And you?” “Sat and thought about you the entire time. Clarence, I don’t believe you've changed a mite since you went away. It is marvelous! And you, dear one, look quite as familiar as ever. I declare I should have recognized you anyw! “And the house—does it look famil- iar, too?" “I declare it does, though it seems a long, long dream since I saw it last."” “Clarence!” “ Ethel!” Cataclysm. Then this young pair spent the rest of the evening renewing acquaintance day he had gone back to the office is a walking encyclopedia and cantalk after the wedding trip. you deaf, dumb and blind in eight Virginia Niles Leeds, languages, but, in all justice, it is but right to state that for a short time she NE OF A LOVING COUPLE can make herself interesting.”” (watching pile-driver at work): “Well, well, what next?” Dear, I feel so sorry for those poor men, “Here's an athletic girl. She's a ‘They have been trying for the last half healthy, as you sce, and hour to lift that thing out, and every good-looking, if you like that kind. time they get it almost to the top, it She can lift a hundred-pound dumb- falls back again. bell and knows how to repair an auto."” Hopeless. “Put her with the others. Any HE white-faced, wild-eyed man more? muttered unintelligible things to “Yes. Here’s a clinger—one of the himself as he strode through the quiet, affectionate kind that likes to streets. Day after day he wandered stay home and do the family mending, aimlessly, pausing neither for food nor and rarely speaks unless spoken to,”” rest; but babbling, babbling ceaseless- “Allright. I'll take ’em all.” y, until his friends, alarmed, placed The private secretary gasped. him under the care of an alienist. “All!” he exclaimed. ‘ But you “‘Incurably insane,’ was the med- can’t do that."” ical verdict, ‘‘through trying to dis- The particular man smiled. cover some meaning in Rudyard “Yes, Ican," he replied. ‘I want Kipling’s recently printed magazine one good wife, and there's no other _ stories.’’ comicbooks.com