Life — September 15, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

260 Our Fresh-Air Fund. Previously acknowledged May, S: Entertainment, Deer Park Hotel, Md., by J. Ogden Hoffman, Jr C. Callery, W. Kuha, R, Lansburgh and Wan. Callery Henry M. and C. F. Brooks JBTE HT. Blind Brook Ale: $6,644.00 lie and Helen 15.00 N. Leger, Farm. $6,910.25, When You Are Towed Home. LTHOUGH no mathematician has ever yet been able to compute accurately all of the things that can happen to a motor car, they may properly be divided into two grand di- visions, which Those you can repair yourself and those you cannot. Carbolic acid from a neighboring drug store has been known to resusci- tate a drooping set of batteries; and if they are too far gone, the automo- bilist can drink it himself and thus end all of his troubles. Spark plugs are of various denominations, and when one are: IN OLD JAPAN, Madam Butterfly: You TO START THAT, “Too LATE, MOTHER. I'VE Gor THR PRvER.! SRE WERE, WILLIE, 1 DON'T WANT -LIFE- doesn't work, onother may, It is possible, with a large assortment of wrenches, an extensive vocabulary and a well-developed set of intercostal muscles, to lie on one’s back in the dust for an hour or so and adjust the differential gear; or, by prayer cnd fasting and enough talcum powder, re- place an inner tube. But when your cylinder head is racked, your vibrator coil blows out, your crank-shaft tries to make both ends meet, or your piston-rod or fly- wheel work loose, then you hoist signals of distress, calculate your rations, and wait, with all of the philosophic calm you can muster on short notice, for a “tow.” After awhile, some fellow, who has at least a semblance of a heart in his manly breast, toots along, throws you aline, and you are off. At first you experience nothing but a sense of exultation to think that relief has at last come. Then the humiliation, the peculiar disgrace of your position, begins to strike in, It is, of course, broad daylight. Never before have you real- ized the comfortable security of a dark and moonless night. Now it is as if your very soul, with everything in it that you have hitherto regarded as sacred, was exposed to, the vulgar gaze of the multitude. An hour before, as, with vi- bratory superciliousness you flew by a trolley car, your bosom swelled with pride. Now these plebeians turn to look at you with an uncon- fined cheerfulness, as you are yanked slowly by. But, after all, perhaps your keenest agony is caused by Apparently have ever your equals, every one known has been waiting to Jones, who re- marked only last week with polite insolence that your machine no good, waves his hand at you in fiendish triumph. Smith, who keeps horses, and to whom you have confided with mendacious warmth the interesting fact that you never have any you see you pass, “LABORING UNDER A MISTAKE,” trouble, smiles as he greets you with a sympathetic sneer. Ladies whom you know casually bow gingerly, as if you were some public criminal, and then turn to each other with suppressed mirth. The eldest daughter of your intimate friend smirks at you blandly. But it is only when, several hours later, you face your wife, that the last depth of misery is reached. You real- ize, as you look at her silent and reproachful face, that she has heard the awful news. “Darling,"” you murmur, ‘all the world has gone back on me. Only tell me that you still cherish some atom of respect for me.’" And then your wife replies, with averted gaze : “After you have taken a bath, my dear, I will talk to you.” Tom Masson, A Part Never Is the Whole. ~ * Mos? divorces are caused by 2 very common mistake. “What is it?"" “Many a man in love only with a dimple or a curl makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”” comicbooks.com