Life — September 1, 1904 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

208 Our Fresh-Air Fund. Previously acknowledged..$5,920.53 Cash R. P. E. S. D. Nantucket, Mas Friend... Fingers & Co Edgar Scott, Jr. Warwick Potter Scott Peggy Kem PF. L. Ao Old Frien Hawai. 10.00 25.00 75-00 10.00 A. F.K. Edna Ho... Interest on De; 2.00 nith, South Africa. 5.00 10.00 3.00 5.00 10.00 A Rhyme of Railroading. GOT upon the evening train to ride to New Rochelle, Engine burning molten tar—I didn’t like the smell, “ What's the power that runs this line 2” I found the breath to croak, Poor Commuter cleared his lungs and feebly whispered, “Smoke!” Toot, toot | smoke and soot— How the deuce would you like to commute On the rattlety-bang-ing, don't-give-a-hang-ing N'York, New Haven & Hartford ? Ran into a sub-suburban-subway line at last ; Air gave out, the smoke poured in, the suffering was vast. ‘How d’you breathe in such a smudge ?” I asked, with throbbing head — Poor Commuter feebly wheezed. ‘* We don't !" was all he said. Choo, choo! whistle and whew— Aren't you glad that it wasn’t you On the flimming-Aamming, don't-give-a-damning N'York, New Haven & Hartford ? Heat a hundred Fahrenheit along that ghastly ride. Brakeman closed the windows down to keep the smoke inside, “ How d’you live in such a hole?” in agony I said. Poor Commuter would have gasped, ‘We don't !"—but he was dead. Puff, puff! stifle and stufl— Don’t you think that I've told you enough Of the hokus-pokus, smother-and-smoke-us N'York, New Haven & Hartford ? Wattace Lrwin, To Be Regretted. ACK: Didn't one of those Porker girls marry an J English Lord ? Mary: Yes, But they say that snubbed her dreadfully. “Really! Then she must have taken the name of the Lord in vain.’” London Society Modern Recess. “ H*ve you practised on the piano?” “Yes, mother. ‘And read Prof. Simson's lecture on Greek art?" “Yes, mother.”” ‘And studied your calculus?" “*Yes, mother.” “Then you may go out and play for ten minutes." HERE News. T is midnight. The laboring wires pour out their burden of news that’s fit to print. Click, click, clickity, click! A score of brass sounders sounding all at once! Confusion worse confounded ! But, no! Listen. “While talking with a party of friends on the porch of her cottage at Newport, yesterday afternoon, Mrs. Hatson Strayte became tired and sat down.” ‘The managing editor reads the dispatch with a keen relish, It appeals to his fine nose for news. “But have you verified this?’’ he asks, almost at once, his rugged honesty asserting itself, even at the risk of a professional triumph. “It is absolutely certain that the Hatson Straytes are worth a hundred millions. As to the rest, we have only hearsay,” replies the news editor. “Oh, very well. If we are sure of the main fact, the minor details do not matter," says the managing editor, with a gratified smile. It Would Be All Right. TH great author, hobbling painfully from his carriage, stepped slowly into the publisher's office. That individual greeted him cordially. ‘*Well,”’ he said, ‘t what luck?” “I've found 'em,”’ said the great author, ‘I've picked out over two hundred of the most foolish letters I ever wrote. “Do they reveal," said the publisher, ‘private details and trivial affairs, and do they deal with things that ought not to be published, but which people like to read?" “They do.” The publisher grasped the great author by the hand. “Splendid !”" he observed ; “that is the one thing needed.” PUBLIC Calamity was met by an Act of Providence. “You make trouble wherever you go," said the Act of Providence, bitterly. “Well id the Public Calamity, ‘everyone knows that’s none of your business. A SCHEMER. The Duck: WOW DO YOU MANAGE TO LOOK SO WELL ALL THE TIME? The Rooster : OM, 1 GET ALL THB RICE I CAN EAT BY KEEPING MY BYE ON TUE WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENTS. comicbooks.com