Life — July 28, 1904 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

\ oS WN (NK aa “a Oe igi HI f Ans ‘LIFE. ~ * = ona, Md) oF \ . AT THE EXPOSITION. The Baron: OP WHICH VAT BRS IT? VAT EMS THs EMPTY PLATES AND CUPS VITOUT NOSSING TO EAT-ZE MEANING “THAT 18 THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE ASCENT LUNCH PAVILION." always right. ‘Time iseverything; the Manchurian war may be brief, and in- ternational sensibilities are raw and suspicious, Our expedition will be diplomatic and missionary, not puni- tive. Iam breaking no confidences when I say that mineral deposits are numerous all along the road to the Yang iang, in whose fertile vales sixty million docile heathens wait with eager joy the Bibles, calicoes, Brum- magem wares and moral influences of our grand old Anglo-Saxon civiliza- tion.” Amid great enthusiasm the diplo- matic mission, with its saintly Sepoys, its gentle Goorkhas and its moral Maxims, started, and British prestige was established and the Buddhists conciliated at a mere nominal loss— six Anglo-Saxons dead from frostbite, twelve hundred Thibetans prostrated by sunstroke. ‘The splendid religious civilization is now encamped in the fat markets of Cathay, while the miserable Muscovite is feebly striving to strangle freedom in Manchuria, kicking himself as he anoints his bruises, and refreshing himself by using profane expletives containing forty-nine consonants. Joseph Smith. Exonerated. N automobile met its fate in a smash-up, When it knocked at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter bade it halt, “You are charged," said the Saint, “with many crimes.”* “T can answer the charges,”’ replied the autemobile, “You have injured six people.” “They were women, who run hen- like around the streets, causing heart disease in the onlookers.”’ have frightened many horses.”” jah’s chariot would have done the same.”” “You have left a trail of bad smells behind.” ~ “I lived in a city where the streets are always dug up, and I did it in self- defence.” “You have made a great deal of noise.” “That was necessary to drown the slushy conversation of my occupants." “You killed two innocent people in this last smash-up.”” “But I killed my owner as well.” The Pearly Gates swung open, and the automobile entered to receive its gasoline halo, Clement Scott. bas Civilization. WitH a certain quiet, well-bred exultation, the master showed us over his great estate ; the house, ’ with its rich treasures of art; the barn, with its beautiful horses; the laun- \ dry, the lighting and heat- ing plant, perfectly ‘ap- pointed. Atlast we stopped before a massive structure, with a tall chimney at one end, whence the black smoke pouring bespoke the giant Steam hard at work within. “The crowning triumph of wealth and discriminating luxury,"’ said our host, with a smile. “A private digesting plant. There are fifty of us, servants and all, and we are hearty feeders for the most part. Is it: not a great thing to say that we digest our food without going off the premises ?"" It was impossible not to envy him. USBAND: Was it absolutely nec- essary for you to snub those relatives of mine the other day? Wire: Not absolutely, darling, but I thought I would be on the safe side, “LOVE BURNS,” comicbooks.com